Ruth McCreery
The Sasu-Kyū source text poses several challenges, including explaining sa-shi-su-se-so succinctly while retaining its connection to Sasu-Kyū and communicating the author’s perspective on discussing emotionally fraught gender and other biases.
E39
E39 was mainly accurate and produced effective English. The translation began strongly with a title that does not include the 揶揄 jape found in the Japanese. “Sasu-Kyū: Anti-Discrimination or Regional Prejudice?” makes it clear that Sasu-Kyū is somewhat controversial. Since the reader of the translation will have to get to the second paragraph to learn that Sasu-Kyū is a term ridiculing Kyushu, adding something about mockery in the title would not help engage the reader.
I should notice that this translator gave the author’s name in the surname-given name order but moved her description to after her name, as one does in English. Keeping the Japanese name order is preferred by many publications and the Japanese government, but there is no reason to retain the Japanese order for other information.
The first paragraph explains sa-shi-su-se-so as a technique supposed to attract men. E39’s capitalization of the first syllable of each of the terms making up that phrase helps the reader unfamiliar with Japanese understand how the phrase was formed. Without that guidance, the English-speaking reader might, for example, assume that the first syllable of sensu was sen. Using SE avoids that misunderstanding without requiring elaborate explanations.
With that catchy phrase in the first paragraph—and gender issues already brought up—we are set to move on to the second paragraph and Sasu-Kyū: Sasuga Kyushu. E39 explains that sasuga is used here sarcastically and that Kyū is short for Kyushu. Retaining the macron on Kyū is welcome, since that gives the correct pronunciation and also follows the Japanese preference for four-syllable phrases. I wonder if introducing the actual pronunciation, Kyūshū, instead of the macron-free version that is standard for placenames, would make the connection clearer.
In presenting the original post that set off the Sasu-Kyū explosion, E39 has correctly interpreted the first part as the poster on X’s condensed version of what he had said to his wife. The translation of the final phrase, Yoku dekita tsuma, “Good job, wife,” uses “good job,” a phrase often used to praise kids, giving it a snide air. Would “Good job, dear” sound even more condescending?
In the paragraph beginning with Konkai no mondai ha, the translator starts with “besides the serious discussions,” while the author is more suggesting “instead of.” E39 then uses “clickbait culture” for sendō-teki na atenshon economii, using a popular term for the mechanism the author indicates: piquing the reader’s curiosity with a sensationalized headline. Having decided on “clickbait culture” for the end of that paragraph, E39 was wise to introduce “clickbait” earlier in the paragraph.
The translation of the paragraph recalling an earlier flood of nasty posts about South Korea ends with “when topics are generalized, it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about a region.” Here 主語 is closer to “broad statements”—“broad statements that promote discrimination against a region are impermissible.”
The final paragraph ends well, communicating the author’s concern about gender discrimination and ways to combat it, but Global Gender Gap Index is the title of an index, not a publication, and should not be italicized.
E29
E29 produced a translation with some issues, including problems with the English itself, but is basically readable and accurate.
E29 chose to include 揶揄 as “mocking” in the title. It works. This translator then, oddly, followed the Japanese order for the author’s description and name, but the English order for the name itself. “Non-fiction Writer, Kaori Kawai” is very unnatural. We need to remember that translation includes format, punctuation, and the order of elements.
The first paragraph mentions “Japanese phonetic alphabet.” Hiragana and katakana are not alphabets. I appreciate the translator’s attempt to indicate where the string of syllables comes from but, since that technical information is not relevant, E29 could simply have begun with “The term consists of” and avoided that complication. Unfortunately, sounanda is oddly romanized: why not sou (or sō) nan da? (And why not indicate the pronunciation of Kyū in the title, too?)
It is thoughtful to explain where or what Kyushu is, but “Kyushu region of Southwestern Japan” is not accurate. “Southwestern Japan” is a description, not a proper noun; “southwestern” should not be capitalized. And “region” seems odd for an island; “the southernmost of Japan’s main islands” would work better.
“Portmanteau” is a great term for Sasu-Kyū, but E29’s sentence makes sasuga, not the new coinage, as portmanteau. Also, in translating sasuga, it would be more effective to come up with a different translation, rather than repeating the earlier one, but explaining that it’s sarcastic here.
In discussing what touched off the internet firestorm, E29 says “hand-made bento box,” which I would be inclined to read as a hand-made box, not a lunch. I realize that “bento box” is sometimes used in English for bentō, but the point here is not the format of the lunch but the writer’s reaction to its contents. “Homemade box lunch” or just “homemade lunch” would be less distracting. E29 goes on to translate the rest of the post on X well but then added “received widespread criticism” to the sentence about the hashtag. That is correct, given the discussion that follows, but at this point the hihanteki applies to the use of the snarsty hashtag, not the reaction to the post. E39’s “tagged critically” is more accurate.
In the next paragraph, E29 has translated the name of the newspaper, rather than checking what the newspaper itself uses as its English name. “Regional discrimination,” like E39’s “regional prejudice” works, but “undertones” seems a bit mild for kanjiru.
The next paragraph begins with “firmly-rooted”; the hyphen should not be used (adverbs ending in ‑ly are not hyphenated in compounds). That small problem is followed, however, by a very smooth start to the next paragraph: “Attempting to address discrimination against one group by discriminating against others is clearly unacceptable” is very good.
The following paragraph, with its “instead of sticking to genuine debate,” gets across how off track the Sasu-Kyū rage was from considering gender inequality. Unfortunately, “every-day” should be one word. Explaining Kagoshima was helpful. I wasn’t aware that “attention economy” was a term in English; it is, and it works here.
“Worse still” is a strong beginning for the last paragraph, which (apart from italicizing the index), goes well. I would suggest “certain” or “specific” rather than “select” for 特定 regions. “Select” usually implies “handpicked” or even “superior,” which is clearly not the author’s intention.
E18
E18’s translation of the title is engaging, and the author’s name and description are handled well, but the translation includes some disturbing problems. In the first sentence, “to supposedly gain popularity” misses the point of mote teku—a technique for attracting men, specifically the man you are showering with praise, not becoming generally popular. Also, while the author doubtless agrees that the gender views in question are outdated, I don’t see her stating that here. “I don’t think men are particularly impressed by this technique” seems a little soft for 不快: uncomfortable, upset, displeased. But “demeaning” is great for バカにされた.
The paragraph introducing Sasu-kyū explains the term well, with “classic” a great choice for sasuga here.
In the next paragraph, I would point out that “prefecture” should not be capitalized, and that telling the reader that it’s on Kyushu would be helpful. I don’t see anything in the text to suggest that the poster on X included a picture of the lunch in question. And why “so-called” energy boosting? This translator has also not applied “critical” to the hashtag.
E18 did check the newspaper’s English name but forgot to italicize it.
“Counter-productive” is a good way to express the いいわけがない in the next paragraph, but the author thinks quotas could help, not “I’m not sure that” they would. The last sentence in that paragraph was a challenge for all our translators, but the author is saying that efforts to eliminate sexual discrimination can extend discrimination to other variables, including regions or wealth, not that such efforts should not be limited to sexual discrimination.
“Inflammatory attention economy” is faithful to the Japanese, but does it work better than “inflammatory clickbait economy” would?
In the next paragraph, “2000’s” does not need an apostrophe, and “wholescale” seems to be a typo for “wholesale.”
The woman talking about her experience of discrimination says “hardly ever” (ほとんどない), not “never.” She is not totally oblivious.
The last paragraph works well (with the index treated properly).
E12
This translation presents more problems. In the title, “Backhanded compliment,” if you must, but the title is confusing, since the reader would have no idea what the compliment, backhanded or not, was. Titles matter and should usually be decided last, after completing the translation and gaining a thorough understand of where the author was going.
After nicely giving the author’s description after her name, E12 continues by adding “I hear that” at the beginning of the first paragraph. That may be an attempt to engage the reader, but it’s not in the original and not helpful. Then we are informed of a Japanese alphabet. No. “Acronym” is perfect for sa-shi-su-se-so, but the way E12 has romanized the base words is confusing. “Highlighted with a title” seems not constructive, but at least it should be “the title,” which should not be in italics. I was startled to see 女児 as “primary school girls,” but that’s probably correct. (So, there are books teaching preadolescent girls how to attract guys?) But that technique didn’t come “under fire,” it set the internet on fire. The translator was wise to avoid explaining another set of Japanese terms, but “successive sounds” applies to any words or phrases.
In the next paragraph Sasa-Kyū, with caps, would connect it with Kyushu more clearly. It is not, as E12 describes it, a word, and Kyushu is far too large to be a district. Providing a more effective translation of sasuga here would also help.
“The buzzing” could be “the buzz.” “Prefecture” doesn’t get capitalized. We need a comma after “viral” (great word choice), and the post had been viewed, not displayed, 28 million times.
E12 researched the newspaper’s name but didn’t italicize it. And it is the largest on Kyushu, not in it. (My preference for “on” may be an English dialect difference, but I would say “on Honshu,” since it is an island, but “in Kanagawa” or “in Japan.”)
The spread of the controversy is again a problem for this translator. As E12 says, it reached a wider range of people (大きく広がった), but the text does not specify that it became more controversial.
“Appalling” as the beginning of the last paragraph is good, and the last sentence communicates the author’s point well.
E37
E37 is an effective writer but needs to use that ingenuity in more accurate renderings of the original text. Coming up with a way to present the Sa-Shi etc. without getting into Japanese language issues was clever but leaves the introduction with no connection to Sasu-Kyū. The “charisma cheat code” was an intriguing beginning, but what are “rhetoric words”? Also, what is described as a book for girls has become an excerpt of a women’s magazine (Excerpt from? In any case, not needed.)
“As expected of” is a bit surprising as the translation for sasuga in Sasu-Kyū, given E37’s inventiveness in the first paragraph. E37 capitalizes “prefecture” and detaches the criticism from the hashtag. Also, sasukyu needs to be identified as a foreign coinage with italics. In talking about impact of article in the newspaper (not italicized), E37 says “more attention . . . nationwide.” Could be, but the text doesn’t go that far.
Concerning the urban-rural divide in sexism, E37’s “more rampant in Kyushu than in other rural regions” categorizes Kyushu as rural—hardly true.
In the next paragraph, “many moving parts” is a good solution for 複合的, but “cannibalizes,” while another strong term, gets 別の差別を生んだ backwards. “Such attempts” needs “are,” not “is.” And, more importantly, the argument is that efforts to correct bias can expand them into other forms of bias, not target those other forms.
“Budget-quality meals” in the next paragraph is also a natural-sounding term, but it misses the sense of “chronic malnourishment.”
In the paragraph about anti-Korean discrimination, we have 地域 expanded to “other country.” Given the content of this article, we should stick with “region.”
The again non-italicized newspaper name is followed by adding “interview women,” when the quotation is from one woman. And it is not “targets of discrimination” who are oblivious but those who are unconsciously discriminating. E37 did a nice job on the index, but then “The prejudice faced by Kyushu won’t go away . . .” when the author is arguing not about prejudice against Kyushu but that “the issue of discrimination won’t go away if we just target one region.”