Jim Davis
General Comments
The title of any document prepares the reader for the content that will appear in the body of the document and gives the reader some inkling of the message that lies therein. The title of this article reads, 「さす九」揶揄は反差別か地域差別か. We know immediately that the phrase さす九 and the attitudes that lie behind this phrase will be central to this article. We also gain, from the writer’s choice of the word 揶揄, some inkling of what the writer thinks about the use of the phrase さす九 in public discourse. Finally, we recognize that different forms of 差別 will appear prominently in the document. Some people might say that simply transliterating さす九 in the title as sasu-kyu and providing more information when the phrase reappears in the body of the article will be good enough. However, it may be better to include the meaning right away, so the target-language reader will have the same information as the source-language reader from the very beginning of the article. If so, we could opt for “sasu-kyu (typical Kyushu).” The word 揶揄 could be translated differently, depending on the way it is used and the feeling the writer intends to convey. Possibilities include “ridicule,” “banter,” “teasing,” “joking,” and “mocking.” In this context either “mocking” or “ridicule” would be a good choice. The word 差別 certainly refers to “discrimination,” but dealing with the term 反差別 may require some thought. The obvious choice is “anti-discrimination.” However, some people may find this word awkward. An alternative to expressing the concept of 反差別 would be to describe the function of the phrase さす九 in dealing with 差別: “fighting discrimination.” (A quick scan of the article suggests that the writer is, indeed, interested in “fighting” discrimination in its many forms). The term 地域差別 generally refers to the concept of “regional discrimination.” However, if we decide to go with “fighting discrimination” for 反差別, we may wish to counter with something like “promoting regional discrimination” for 地域差別. If we put everything together, the title of the article could read, “Does the Mocking Phrase Sasu-Kyu (Typical Kyushu) Fight Discrimination or Promote Regional Discrimination?” This translation, or something similar, would adequately prepare the reader for the text that follows.
The first sentence of the article ends with the ubiquitous phrase “... があるという.” The question “Who says?” is a question faced by many translators when confronted with this common pattern. Several of the finalists struggled with this question. Here are their suggestions:
E12: “I hear that ...”
E18: “Have you heard of ...”
E29 “They say that ...”
E37: “There’s a ...”
E39: “There is a ...”
Rather than trying to insert a grammatical subject, as E12, E18, and E29 did, it is often better to work around the missing grammatical subject, as E37 and E39 did. Another option that falls into this same category would be, “One of the techniques a woman can use ...” (The opening sentence does not explicitly say who the technique is designed for, but information presented in subsequent sentences makes the answer to that question very clear.)
At the end of the second paragraph on page 14 the writer suggests that in this context the word さすが contains elements of both 揶揄 and 嫌味. The writer is clearly presenting two opposing attributes—one that is harmless (perhaps even humorous) and one that is unpleasant (perhaps even offensive). Each term carries numerous English meanings, but in this context the best combination may be “banter and criticism” or “teasing and insulting,” depending on the way the overall sentence is structured. Another alternative would be to find a single characteristic that incorporates both attributes. All five finalists opted for some variation of “sarcasm,” which satisfies that requirement. However, the idea that the writer sees two opposing attributes in the use of the word さすが has been lost. For this reason, some translators may still wish to translate each attribute separately.
In the opening sentence of the second paragraph on page 15 of the source text the writer contrasts the term 都市部 with the term 地方. In the third sentence of the same paragraph the writer includes the phrase 九州が他の地方と比べて. The term 都市部 could reasonably be expressed as “urban area” or perhaps “metropolitan area.” However, the term 地方 is a bit tricky. Many people will instinctively render 地方 as “rural area,” but one must counter with the question, “Is the entire island of Kyushu a ‘rural area’?” (The people who live in places like 福岡, 北九州, or 鹿児島 would beg to differ.) Other possibilities for 地方 include “the provinces,” “the countryside,” and “a locality.” None of these options would really work in this instance. When 地方 appears as the second half of the name of a particular geographic area—such as 関東地方, 関西地方, or even 九州地方, the word 地方 can reasonably translated as “region,” but translating 地方 as “region” in a contrast with 都市部 does not really make sense. In this context the best choice for 地方 might be “outlying area,” in the sense that the 地方 is distant from Japan’s 三大都市 (東京, 大阪, and 名古屋).
Nonfiction writing in English tends to be circular in nature. In school we are taught to first “tell ’em what you’re gonna tell ’em,” then “tell ’em,” and finally, “tell ’em what you told ’em.” In this way we close the loop and present the reader with a complete package. In contrast, nonfiction writing in Japanese is generally linear. A Japanese writer begins at Point A, touches upon a variety of ideas or examples, and finally arrives at Point B. The final sentence of a Japanese essay or article is designed to pull together all the thoughts presented by the writer along the way. If the reader is to take away one idea or one recommendation from the document in question, that idea or recommendation probably appears in the final sentence. Some might call this sentence “the clincher.” The translator must pay particular attention to the details of this final sentence if the translator is to accurately convey to the target-language reader the same message that the original author conveyed to the source-language reader, and if the translation is to carry the same impact for the target-language reader that the original document carried for the source-language reader.
The final sentence of this article reads, 「さす九」騒動を機に、差別是正が差別を生む構造と、無意識下での差別について考えてはどうだろうか. The writer is clearly encouraging the reader to take something away from the recent uproar related to sasu-kyu. Specifically, the writer would like the reader to think about two things: a certain type of 構造 and a certain type of 差別. The word 構造 often refers to a structure or the way something is organized. However, in this context 構造 could refer to a “cycle” (in which attempts by people to eliminate one form of discrimination result in the emergence of a different form of discrimination) or it could refer to a tendency on the part of people to engage in this type of behavior. In this second interpretation, the writer is essentially referring to “human nature.” Putting everything together, this sentence could read, “The uproar over sasu-kyu (typical Kyushu) could be an opportunity for all of us to think seriously about human nature, which leads us to engage in one form of discrimination as we attempt to correct/rectify/address a different form of discrimination, and about unconscious discrimination.” It is clear that the writer is urging the reader to recognize a tendency on the part of human beings to make certain types of mistakes. The writer is also urging the reader to have a degree of humility when dealing with other people, because we humans may not be as smart as we think we are. If this is the ultimate message the writer is trying to convey, then we—as translators—need to keep this message in mind as we make the many decisions any translator must make in the process of working through a document.
E12, E18, E29, and E39 chose to put each Japanese term in italics as a means of indicating that the term is, in fact, a Japanese word or expression. This was a good decision, since we cannot assume that the reader of the translation will have any familiarity with the Japanese language.
E12
For the word 揶揄 in the title of the article E12 chose “backhand compliment.” It is difficult to see how さす九 could be regarded as a compliment. A better option for 揶揄 would be “mocking phrase.” It is also worth noting that in English the key words of a title are normally capitalized. An alternative title would be, “Does the Mocking Phrase Sasu-Kyu Fight Discrimination or Promote Regional Discrimination?”
The first paragraph on page 14 is well done. The Japanese expressions are explained clearly, and additional information is provided to help the target-language reader understand why each expression appears in the text.
E12 begins the opening sentence of the second paragraph on page 15 with “It would be true that many people feel ...” This phrase appears to be an effort to account for the certainty of 確かに (at the beginning of the sentence) and the hesitancy of だろう (at the end of the sentence), but the phrase “It would be true that” seems awkward. A phrase like this is typically used in a hypothetical situation (e.g., “if ... were to ..., then it would be true that ...”). In this instance either “It is probably true that many people feel ...” or “It is true that many people probably feel ...” would be a better alternative.
The first sentence of the fourth paragraph on page 15 reads as follows: 今回の問題は、男女差別についての真剣な議論以外に、注目されることを狙い面白おかしく地域差別を助長する投稿や記事が溢れた点だ. This sentence is rather long and contains several modifying clauses. E12 translated the sentence as follows: “The question this time was that, aside from serious arguments on gender discrimination, posts and articles flooded which only promoted regional discrimination for fun just to draw more attention.” A 問題 is usually a “problem” to be solved or an “issue” that is being discussed. (In a political context a 問題 could be a “question” that is to be resolved by a vote in some form of legislature, but that is not the context we are dealing with here.) In this instance 問題 probably refers to an “issue.” This issue has two elements: a 真剣な議論 related to a particular topic and a certain 点. The topic of the 議論 is 男女差別, and the 点 is the fact that a certain type of 投稿 or 記事 has appeared in very large numbers. (The verb 溢れた does indicate that some location or some space was flooded with something, but we need to either identify the location that has been flooded or develop a workaround that eliminates to need to identify the location.) In turn, these 投稿 or 記事 have two attributes: 注目されることを狙い and 面白おかしく地域差別を助長する. If we put everything together, this sentence could read, “The issue in this instance is the fact that in addition to the sharp debate related to gender discrimination we have seen a flood of ridiculous/laughable articles and online posts that seek to gain/attract attention by fostering regional discrimination.” In this translation the adverb 面白おかしく has been converted into an adjective that modifies the 投稿や記事. This device allows us to place the adjective “ridiculous/laughable” in front of “articles and online posts,” while placing the objective (“that seek to gain/attract attention by fostering regional discrimination”) after “articles and online posts.” This structure improves the readability of the English sentence, thereby increasing the likelihood that the reader will grasp the intended meaning.
The next sentence in the same paragraph contains the following quote from an online manga: 鹿児島の女性は日常的かつ慢性的な栄養不足による低身長が多い. E12 rendered this quote as follow: “Many women in Kagoshima Prefecture are short because of constant and chronic malnutrition.” The word 慢性的な certainly refers to a chronic condition, but the word “constant” (for 日常的) seems awkward. One alternative would be the following: “... because of chronic malnutrition that they experience on a daily basis.” One might argue that this alternative is redundant. However, “chronic” suggests that a condition continues over an extended period of time, while “on a daily basis” suggests that the problem of insufficient nutrition occurs every day, rather than every hour or every week. This seems like a reasonable interpretation of 日常的.
In the fifth paragraph on page 15 the writer mentions 在日韓国人. E12 referred to “resident Koreans.” From a Japanese perspective it is obvious that the people in question live in Japan, but that fact may not be obvious to the reader of the English translation. A better alternative would be “Korean residents of Japan” or perhaps “ethnic Koreans living in Japan.”
The final two paragraphs also look quite good. In the General Comments section we mentioned the writer’s use of the word 構造 in the final sentence of the article. E12 went with “mechanism” for 構造, and this is another good choice.
E18
The title (「さす九」揶揄は反差別か地域差別か) of this article includes two distinct alternatives: 反差別 and 地域差別. E18 chose a short, snappy title: “Sasukyu – fighting discrimination through ridicule or just as guilty of it?” The first half of this title is fine, but the emphasis on 地域差別 has been lost. In fact, 地域差別 is an important element of this article, so the absence of this term from the title is a concern. It is also worth noting that in English the key words of a title are normally capitalized. An alternative title that retains some of E18’s wording would be, “Sasu-Kyu: Fighting Discrimination through Ridicule or Promoting Regional Discrimination?”
In the first paragraph on page 14 E18 mentions “a 2018 article aimed at young girls.” However, the source text refers to a 2018年刊行の女児向けの書籍. The word 書籍 normally refers to a book, not an article in a magazine. With regard to some specific content of the book and the fact that many women objected to that content, the writer states in the second half of the fourth sentence in the same paragraph, 私は男性も非常に不快に思うだろうと感じた. E18 translated this portion as follows: “... personally, I don’t think men are particularly impressed by this technique either.” This rendering vastly understates the writer’s contention. A better translation could read, “... personally, I think men would find the technique mentioned in this book extremely embarrassing/offensive.” This option would be a good match for the final sentence of this paragraph, in which the writer imagines the reaction of women to a comparable technique oriented in the reverse direction. E18 handled that final sentence very well.
E18’s first sentence in the second paragraph on page 14 reads, “Seeing the term sasukyu (an abbreviation of ‘sasuga Kyushu’) which ridicules the male chauvinism associated with the Kyushu region being spread all over social media reminded me of that previous firestorm.” E18’s understanding of the source text is fine, but the absence of commas makes this sentence difficult to follow. The inclusion of two commas would dramatically improve readability: “Seeing the term sasu-kyu (an abbreviation of ‘sasuga Kyushu’), which ridicules the male chauvinism associated with the Kyushu region, being spread all over social media reminded me of that previous firestorm.”
In the second paragraph on page 15 E18 used the phrase “provincial areas compared to metropolitan ones” for the comparison between 地方 and 都市部. Both terms work very well.
The third sentence of the third paragraph on page 15 requires some attention. The Japanese sentence reads, たとえばジェンダー・ギャップを解消するための「女性枠」について、私は過渡期には必要ではないかと思うが、男性差別との問題提起もなされている. E18 expressed this sentence as follows: “For example, I’m not sure that a transition period of enforced female quotas is necessary to solve the gender gap if that then actively discriminates against men.” The key issue here is sentence structure. Two commas divide the Japanese sentence into three parts. The first portion essentially represents the topic of the sentence, the second portion represents the writer’s personal opinion, and the final portion represents a concern. Based on the presence of the conjunction が and a comma, we may conclude that the concern is distinct from, and not dependent on, the writer’s opinion. The writer’s use of the verb なされている without an explicit subject indicates that the concern is not the writer’s individual concern but is widespread. Recognition of this distinction is essential in order to properly convey what the writer is telling the reader in this sentence. Based on this understanding of sentence structure, this sentence could read, “For example, I believe the establishment of female quotas as a means of closing the gender gap may be necessary during a transition period, but such quotas have drawn the criticism that they give rise to discrimination against men.” The writer does not say specifically whose criticism this is. Consequently, the translation must match the ambiguity of the source text.
In the final sentence of the fourth paragraph on page 15 E18 referred to “a kind of inflammatory attention economy.” E18’s understanding of the source text is correct, but the wording in this very literal rendering could be confusing. “An inflammatory form of the attention economy” would be clear and unambiguous. (In reality, the “attention economy” comes in many forms, so this wording is reasonable.)
The final sentence of the fifth paragraph on page 15 contains the phrase 主語を大きくして. E18 expressed this as “blow things out of proportion.” There is certainly overlap between this English expression and the Japanese text, but “generalize individual experiences” or “extrapolate individual experiences” might be a more accurate rendering in this context.
In the second sentence of the sixth paragraph on page 15 E18 refers to “a lady.” These days most publications refer to “a woman,” rather than “a lady.” The use of “lady” in this manner seems rather old-fashioned and could be regarded as discriminatory. Otherwise, the final two paragraphs are well done.
E29
E29 handled the title and opening paragraph quite well, but two points in this paragraph deserve some attention. The fifth sentence reads, もし「女の子にはかきくけこ」という特集があり、「かわい」「きれい」などと言っておけば女性は喜ぶと書かれていたら、女性はバカにされたと受け取るだろう. E29 rendered this sentence as follow: “If, for example, there was a feature article about a ‘ka-ki-ku-ke-ko for girls’ which said words like kawaii (cute) and kirei (pretty) were enough to keep any lady happy, women would surely feel belittled.” The phrase “ka-ki-ku-ke-ko for girls” is problematic. Does this mean that ka-ki-ku-ke-ko should be used by girls or does it mean that ka-ki-ku-ke-ko should be used when talking with girls? The context indicates that the latter is the writer’s intended meaning. Keeping this point in mind and recalling the previously mentioned book written for girls, this sentence could read, “If someone were to write a feature article titled ‘Use the Ka-Ki-Ku-Ke-Ko Words on Girls!’ and suggest that the use of words like kawaii (‘cute’) and kirei (‘pretty’) is a great way to please women, most women would feel that the writer was making fools of them.” These days most publications refer to “a woman,” rather than “a lady.” However, E29 may have used “a lady” on purpose in order to make the hypothetical article sound even more ridiculous. In this context, “a lady” is fine.
In the second and third sentences of the second paragraph on page 14 the writer provides background for the term さす九: 「さすが九州」の略語である。この場合の「さすが」という言葉には、揶揄や嫌味が含まれている. E29 rendered this portion as follows: “A portmanteau of the phrase ‘Sasuga Kyushu’ (That's impressive, Kyushu!), ‘sasuga’ carries much sarcasm in this instance.” E29 seems to have translated the first Japanese sentence literally, without including the implied topic, and then linked the first Japanese sentence to the second Japanese sentence. The way the translation is written, the English-language reader is led to believe that the word sasuga is a portmanteau of the phrase sasuga Kyushu. Of course, that is not the writer’s intended meaning, but that is what the translation tells us. In addition, the English translation of the phrase さすが九州 provided by E29 does not sound very sarcastic. Something like “typical Kyushu” or “just what I would have expected from Kyushu” would convey more sarcasm than “that’s impressive, Kyushu!” Including the implied topic, revising the translation for さすが九州, and retaining the two-sentence structure would give us the following: “The phrase sasu-kyu is a portmanteau of the phrase sasuga Kyushu (typical Kyushu). In this instance sasuga carries quite a bit of sarcasm.” This translation better conveys the point the writer is trying to make.
E29 employed an excellent vocabulary in this translation. One example is the use of “portmanteau” for 略語, as mentioned above. Neither “abbreviation” nor “acronym”—the two most common translations for 略語—would suffice in this context, but “portmanteau” is perfect. In the first paragraph on page 15 the writer mentions a 「地域差別を感じる」という論調の記事 that appeared in the 西日本新聞. E29 stated that the newspaper “featured an article on the ‘Sasu-Kyu’ movement, arguing the term carried undertones of ‘regional discrimination.’” The phrase “carried undertones” successfully incorporates elements of both 感じる and 論調.
In the middle of the sixth paragraph on page 15 the writer includes this sentence: 差別する側も、差別に当たると気づかないケースもあるだろう. E29 translated this sentence as follows: “I’m sure there are cases where the person being discriminatory themselves doesn’t realise their actions could be seen as such.” There is some dissonance here between the initial use of “the person” and the subsequent appearance of “themselves” and “their.” These days it is rather common to use “they” in place of “he/she,” to use “themselves” in place of “himself/herself,” and to use “their” in place of “his/her.” However, in this instance the use of “the people” instead of “the person” and “don’t” instead of “doesn’t”—i.e., using plural forms throughout the sentence—would be a simple way to eliminate any dissonance. Translators frequently need to find ways to work around awkward elements of a source text or ways to avoid awkward renderings in a translation. Developing the ability to look at a text from multiple points of view is an essential task for any translator, regardless of the source language or the target language.
E37
E37 worked hard to make the translation interesting for the reader, but the excessive use of slang and the inclusion of many awkward phrases had the opposite effect. As indicated in the passage guidelines, this article appeared in the magazine 中央公論. 中央公論 is not an academic research journal, but neither is it a weekly magazine with a focus on sensational news and gossip. When translating a document—any document—it is important to read the source text carefully, to consider the tone adopted by the writer, and to replicate that tone—to the greatest degree possible—in the translation. Successful translators must master both comprehension and expression. They must be able to comprehend the content of the source text and express that content in such a way that the translation has the same impact on the target-language reader that the original document has on the source-language reader. In essence, the translator must provide the target-language reader with the same experience that is available to the source-language reader. More attention to both the “comprehension” side and the “expression” side of the translation process will be necessary in order for E37 to make much progress as a translator.
In the title of the article E37 translated 「さす九」揶揄 as “The Sasukyu Slander.” The word 揶揄 typically involves “ridiculing,” “teasing,” or in some way “making fun of” something. In contrast, the word “slander” is a serious form of defamation that involves the provision of false information in a damaging manner. There is no overlap between 揶揄 and “slander.” On the other hand, “regional prejudice” is a good option for 地域差別. One possible translation for the title follows: “Is the Mocking Phrase Sasu-Kyu (Typical Kyushu) a Tool for Fighting Discrimination or an Example of Regional Prejudice?”
At the end of the first paragraph on page 14 E37 used the phrase “women would find it similarly patronizing” to express the idea that 女性はバカにされたと受け取るだろう. The word “patronizing” is an excellent choice.
The second paragraph on page 14 deserves some attention. The Japanese text reads, このことを思い出したのは、九州の男尊女卑を揶揄する「さす九」という言葉がSNSで流行しているのを目にしたからだ。「さすが九州」の略語である。この場合の「さすが」という言葉には、揶揄や嫌味が含まれている. E37’s translation follows: “This matter came into mind as I read through discourse on the sasukyu slander trending on social media. Short for ‘sasuga Kyushu’ (‘As expected of Kyushu’), the term is used sarcastically to mock sexist behavior from men in Kyushu.” E37 rearranged much of the content, but it appears that in the first English sentence E37 translated the phrase さす九 as “the sasukyu slander.” As mentioned above, there is nothing in the Japanese text that justifies use of the word “slander” in this translation. In the second English sentence E37 indicates that “the term” is used sarcastically to mock the specified behavior. From the structure of E37’s translation, we must assume that “the term” is さす九, which is—as E37 stated—a shortened form of さすが九州. However, the source text indicates that it is さすが—not さす九—that is used in a sarcastic manner. E37’s decision to rearrange the content of this paragraph may have made the task of translating the content more difficult. A translation that aligns more closely with the source text could read like this: “What brought all of this to mind is the fact that the phrase sasu-kyu (typical Kyushu) seems to be receiving a great deal of attention on social media these days. Use of that phrase, which is a shorthand way of saying sasuga Kyushu (just what I would expect a man from Kyushu to say), is a way to ridicule the form of male chauvinism associated with Kyushu. In this instance the word sasuga (just what I would expect) is used sarcastically.” This translation is longer than the one provided by E37, but the English-language reader receives all of the intended information.
The third paragraph on page 15 contains a number of problems. The first sentence in this paragraph reads, 差別とは複合的なものだ。何かの差別を解消するために別の差別を生んでいいわけがない。たとえばジェンダー・ギャップを解消するための「女性枠」について、私は過渡期には必要ではないかと思うが、男性差別との問題提起もなされている。差別是正の試みが、男女間にとどまらず地域や貧富など別軸の差別に広がることはある. E37’s translation follows: “Discrimination has many moving parts, and it gets even more problematic when it cannibalizes other forms of discrimination. For instance, to close the gender gap in the workforce, gender quotas were proposed to bring more opportunities to women. I believe this framework may be necessary as we move away from outdated values, yet it can also discriminate against men. Such attempts at eliminating discrimination is not limited to gender; we also see similar systems targeting discrimination in different forms, such as regional and class discrimination.” E37’s use of “many moving parts” is fine, but the verb “cannibalizes” has nothing to do with the intended meaning of the source text. E37 states that “gender quotas were proposed,” but the source text simply states 「女性枠」について. The writer introduces gender quotas as an abstract topic of discussion, but she does not say that such quotas have actually been proposed in any arena of human activity. The writer suggests that such quotas may be necessary 過渡期には. E37 wrote that these quotas may be necessary “as we move away from outdated values.” There is no basis for replacing a neutral term (過渡期; transition period) with a phrase (“outdated values”) that may represent E37’s personal view but has nothing to do with the actual content of the source text. In the fourth English sentence E37 wrote, “Such attempts ... is not limited to ...” The word “attempts” is plural, so the second half should read, “are not limited to.”
In the second sentence of the fourth paragraph on page 15 the writer mentions 「さす九」の体験談を募集して記事を量産したネットニュース. E37 stated, “Articles were also produced at mass, collecting stories of those who have experiences with sasukyu-like behavior.” The phrase “at mass” indicates that some event occurred during a Catholic religious service. E37 may have been thinking of the phrase “en masse,” which is typically used when a large number of people carry out the same action at the same time. However, that phrase is not appropriate in this context. Furthermore, the reference to ネットニュース has been lost. (E37 did not say where the articles in question appeared.) One possible translation of this portion could read, “Another example is an Internet news site that solicited from readers examples of behavior that could be considered sasu-kyu (typical Kyushu) and then produced article after article, based on those accounts.”
The first sentence of the sixth paragraph on page 15 is well done, but the second sentence contains a number of problems. The sentence reads, 西日本新聞の記事では、九州外で暮らしたことがない女性が「男尊女卑を感じたことはほとんどない」と語っていた. E37’s translation reads as follows: “In the article posted by Nishinippon Shimbun, they interview women who have no experience living outside Kyushu citing that ‘such sexism is rare to see.’” The previous reference to the 西日本新聞 (in the first paragraph on page 15) included mention of 朝刊１面 (“the front page of the morning edition”). Thus, we may assume that the writer is referring to the print edition, rather than the online edition, of the 西日本新聞. If so, E37’s phrase “the article posted by Nishinippon Shimbun” is on the wrong track. (These days “posting” is an activity that is normally done online.) From the context we may assume that the comment in quotes was made by “a woman,” not by “women.” In addition, the structure of the English sentence is confusing. E37’s use of “they” as the subject of “interview” is problematic. E37 is probably referring to the reporter(s) who wrote the article, but the use of a pronoun (like “they”) without a clear antecedent is not good practice when writing in English. In addition, the subject of the verb “citing” is not clear. Normally, the subject that goes with the verb “cite” is the person who writes an article or some other document. However, in this instance the quote in question comes from the woman who was interviewed for the article, not from the reporter(s) who wrote the article. Finally, the statement “such sexism is rare to see” is a general statement that applies to an entire region (such as Kyushu). This is a conclusion that could be reached by the reporter(s) who wrote the article, but the appearance of the verb 感じた within the quote makes it clear that the woman is describing her personal experience, rather than offering her opinion about life for many women in Kyushu. If we put everything together, the translation of this sentence could read, “In an article that appeared in the Nishinippon Shimbun, one woman who had never lived anywhere other than Kyushu reported, ‘I hardly ever experience male chauvinism.’”
E37’s translation of the final sentence of the sixth paragraph on page 15 is confusing. The Japanese sentence reads, 九州という特定地域を揶揄して済む問題ではない. E37 expressed this sentence as follows: “The prejudice faced by Kyushu won’t go away if we continue to slander them.” E37 is correct that one simple action will not solve a particular problem, but E37’s description of the problem in question and E37’s description of the action taken to solve the problem do not match the information provided in the source text. As mentioned above, “slander” is the wrong word for 揶揄. In addition, the word 問題 refers back to the content of the preceding two sentences. In those sentences the writer made the point that some types of behavior (such as gender-based discrimination) that are taken for granted in certain parts of Japan are viewed as discriminatory by people in many other countries. Finally, the use of “them” is problematic. E37 probably intended this pronoun to refer to the people of Kyushu, but E37 is essentially creating an equivalence between a place (“Kyushu”) and a group of people (“them”). This equivalence does not make sense. One possible translation would be the following: “Gender-based discrimination is not an issue that can be dealt with simply by ridiculing a particular region, such as Kyushu.”
E39
E39 did a very good job with this translation. The following are a few suggestions.
In the title of the article E39 translated 「さす九」揶揄 as “Sasu-Kyū,” without taking the word 揶揄 into account. Given the importance of “mocking” or “ridicule” in the overall article, it would be better to include some representation of 揶揄 in the title. One option would be, “Is the Mocking Phrase Sasu-Kyu (Typical Kyushu) a Tool for Fighting Discrimination or an Example of Regional Prejudice?”
As mentioned in the General Comments, the contrast between 都市部 and 地方 can be tricky. In the second paragraph on page 15 E39 opted for “cities” and “rural areas,” respectively. Keeping in mind that cities often have suburbs and that the Japanese sense of 地方 often includes small or medium-sized cities that are located far from the largest cities, it may be better to go with “metropolitan areas” and “outlying areas.”
E39’s translation of the second sentence in the third paragraph on page 15 reads, “You cannot create one form of discrimination to solve another.” Generally speaking, in a more formal document—such as a magazine article or a research paper—the writer does not address the reader directly or use the word “you” to represent hypothetical behavior, as E39 did in this sentence. E39 was probably trying to keep this sentence short, in order to obtain maximum impact. The following are two possible ways to achieve that goal: “Replacing one form of discrimination with another is not acceptable” or “Trading one form of discrimination for another is not acceptable.”
In the second sentence of the fifth paragraph on page 15 the writer mentions events that took place in the first decade of this century. The writer refers to 韓国に関する真偽不明の面白おかしいネタ. E39 described this material as “dubious online comedy posts about South Korea.” E39 was probably trying to incorporate multiple modifiers in as few words as possible, but “comedy” is not the best option for 面白おかしい in this context. In addition, placing three modifiers in a row often makes a sentence difficult for the reader to follow. A better (although longer) alternative would be the following: “humorous online posts about South Korea that may or may not have been true.”
The final sentence of the fifth paragraph on page 15 contains the phrase 主語を大きくして. E39 expressed this as “when topics are generalized.” This is a rather literal translation, and it is possible that E39 was not sure exactly what the word 主語 referred to. Given the information in the previous Japanese sentence (個々には様々なケースや思いもあるだろう), which E39 translated as “Each person has their own experiences and feelings,” the second half of this English sentence could read, “..., but generalizing/extrapolating individual experiences, thereby fostering discrimination against one particular region, is not acceptable.”
The final sentence of this article reads, 「さす九」騒動を機に、差別是正が差別を生む構造と、無意識下での差別について考えてはどうだろうか. E39’s translation follows: “The Sasu-Kyū controversy should prompt us to think about how attempts to correct discrimination can breed new types of prejudice and unconscious bias.” According to this translation, the writer is concerned that attempts to correct discrimination could produce two outcomes: “new types of prejudice” and “unconscious bias.” Here, it is important to note that the source text includes a comma after the particle と that follows the noun 構造. The writer is, indeed, concerned about two things, but the presence of that comma indicates that one thing is 差別是正が差別を生む構造 and the other thing is 無意識下での差別. As mentioned in the General Comments, the word 構造 probably refers to some aspect of the way we humans behave, either “cycles of behavior” or “human nature.” Putting everything together, this final sentence could read, “The uproar over sasu-kyu (typical Kyushu) could be an opportunity for all of us to think seriously about unconscious discrimination and about human nature, which leads us to engage in one form of discrimination as we attempt to correct a different form of discrimination.”