Henry Smith
General Comments
The phrase さす九 has ignited a huge debate in Kyushu, but may just accompany occasional eyerolls in the big cities on Honshu. Non-fiction writer Kaori Kawai captures the debate wonderfully well in our source text. In places, her text makes this contest seem like an exercise in literary translation. We have a Japanese parable crafted to focus a Japanese audience on discrimination in their own country. How do we recreate this reading experience for an Anglophone audience? Many of the key decisions are concentrated in the opening sentences, and it is worth starting our review there.
男性を褒める「モテテク」として「さしすせそ」があるという<S1>。「さすが」、「知らなかった 」「すごい」「センスいい」「 そうなんだ 」の頭文字をつなげたものだ<S2>。この言葉は2018年刊行の女児向けの書籍で「男の子はホメられるのが好き！」と取り上げられ、ネットで炎上したこともある<S3>。女性たちは、これが男性中心社会から生み出された発想で、ジェンダー意識の固定化を生むと批判したが、私は男性も非常に不快に思うだろうと感じた<S4>。もし「女の子にはかきくけこ」という特集があり、「かわいい」、「きれい」などと言っておけば女性は喜ぶと書かれていたら、女性はバカにされると受け取るだろう<S5>。
このことを思い出したのは、九州の男尊女卑を揶揄する「さす九」という言葉がSNSで流行しているのを目にしたからだ<S6>。「さすが九州」の略語である<S7>。この場合の「さすが」という言葉には、揶揄や嫌味が含まれている<S8>。
I can imagine translators homing in on さす九 (S6 and title) on their first reading, but we should really take a moment to appreciate this passage in full. Notice that Kawai-san never actually tells her readers why さす九 reminds her of さしすせそ; rather, her clever prologue encourages them to draw the obvious, and some subtle, inferences themselves. However, it also relies on their knowledge of Japanese language, geography, and culture. We thus may have to close a knowledge gap for readers, but a good translation should still respect the ‘show-not-tell’ spirit of the original. That is quite a dilemma when making practical translation decisions.
Let us get back to these practical decisions, starting with さす九. I have been looking at this text for months now, and I just can’t see any English phrase that instantly conveys a feeling of ‘That’s the sexism I expect on Japan’s main south-western island’. So, I believe all five finalists were correct to go with a transliterated Sasu-Kyu in S6 (and elsewhere). The obvious link to the prologue is so dependent on the syllable donated by さすが that I think we thus have to transliterate Sa-Shi-Su-Se-So (S1) too (as four finalists did). However, for our Anglophone readers to make sense of the text, we surely have to tell them that both abbreviations belong to the Japanese language and that Kyushu is a Japanese region. But if we then transliterate a further eight terms in the first paragraph, do we risk turning our engaging prologue into a dull language lesson? Could we reduce the amount of transliteration with something like ‘compliments that alliterate in Japanese but just translate into English as …’ in S2? In S5, can we find a way to render the nice Japanese pun of 女の子にはかきくけこ without killing it by transliteration?
This is a highly integrated narrative, and there are a couple of places in the opening section where some cross-sentence thinking is required. Across S3 and S4, Kawai-san is speculating, as a woman, about men’s reaction to a cringeworthy chat-up technique by imagining how women would react if the positions were reversed. Thus, the 非常に不快と思う for men (S3) needs to be consistent with the バカにされると受け取る for women (S4). More importantly, the この場合の「さすが」 in S8 needs a bit of thought. This implicit comparison marks the final step from analyzing a sexist Japanese acronym that invites ridicule to analyzing an anti-sexist one that invites it. This only works if we translate さすが with exactly the same term in S2 and S7, and allow the term to show its immediately obvious opposing nuances in the two different contexts. If we mask the Japanese term さすが from our English readers, we could cheat a bit and try something like ‘typically impressive’ in S2 and ‘typically Kyushu’ in S7, which might get closer to the spirit of the original than a diligent 直訳 effort.
騒動のきっかけは、24年4月に佐賀県の男性が妻の手作り弁当を「嫁に疲れた。腹減った。弁当持って来て。って連絡するだけでこんな感じの“バカが考えたスタミナ弁当”みたいなの持って来てくれる」「よくできた嫁」とXに投稿したところ、「さす九」のハッシュタグ（検索目印）で批判的に拡散されたことだった<S9>。
This monster sentence comes just after the text establishes Sasu-Kyu as the main theme, and that throws up a couple of practical points. For the narrative to progress smoothly, readers surely have to be told that Saga is in Kyushu. The original sentence moves the Sasu-Kyu story forward thanks to the link between 騒動のきっかけは at its front and 「さす九」…で批判的に拡散されたことだ at its end. This link needs to survive any subdivision of the sentence in English, otherwise it looks as if we are introducing the X post as a previously undefined controversy with a plot line in its own right. Through S9, we should really just be tracing the roots of the Sasu-Kyu controversy back to Saga in 2024.
The translation of this sentence may also require a bit of research. Kawai-san did not reproduce the Saga guy’s post in full, but we can find it easily with a quick internet search and get some information that helps us to hit the right note. Rendered literally in English, the redacted quote could come across as sarcastic, but the full quote shows the Saga guy is actually appreciative of both his wife and the bento. It seems he is saying something like ‘It takes a simple mind to create a meal this stamina -giving’. Even with some words redacted, we should try to stay consistent with that message. Furthermore, our finalists also could have had more fun with translating it! I don’t think this post should sound as if it had been written by the same author as the rest of the text. I am sure our English version of the Saga guy would use a few colloquialisms (for example, a representative guy might use ‘knackered’, ‘starving’, and ‘the missus’ in the part of the UK I am from).
Finally, on S9, this is the only concrete example of Sasu-Kyu behaviour in the narrative. Interestingly, I discussed this post with some friends from rural Kyushu, and they felt this guy was using social media to make a clumsy attempt to thank his wife, because it is something he feels he can’t do in normal conversation with her. So, I see our phenomenon as coming under the umbrella term of sexism rather than, say, misogyny (which two of our finalists preferred). Overall, I was a bit surprised that the term ‘sexism” (or ‘sexist’) hardly featured across our five translations. I am sure it would feature heavily in an analogous discussion in English and might be the sort of term that Kawai-san (who is both measured and deliberate in her terminology) would use.
SNSでの「さす九」揶揄の流行に関し、西日本新聞が3月9日朝刊1面で「地域差別を感じる」という論調の記事を掲載したのを機に、議論が大きく広がった。<S11>
All our finalists have translated this section competently, but also a little bit cautiously. Caution can easily slip into understatement, and understatement can make this newspaper article seem less significant than the stamina-bento post, but it certainly isn’t. This is the point where we meet 地域差別, which will dominate a large part of the subsequent narrative. It is the need to prevent 地域差別—not concerns about the stamina-bento post—that will underpin one half of Kawai-san’s conclusion. Our finalists have rather cautiously translated the concept as ‘regional discrimination’ (or ‘regional prejudice’), but I think this ambiguous term may not be fully up to the job. 地域差別 was catapulted into the national discourse as the rejoinder to さす九, thanks to this news story. It became one of the buzzwords of 2025 and has come to define a category of discrimination that almost nobody recognised before. We need a strong term here. I came across a wonderful phrase used for a similar phenomenon in Chinese society: quasi-racist discrimination against regional identity. At the very least, the insertion of ‘against’ beefs up our definition. Whatever term we use, we must not forget that Kyushu people feel they are on the receiving end of it. Don’t be fooled by the superficially subject-less verb in 地域差別を感じる!
確かに、都市部に比べて地方では男女差別が根強いという実感は多くの人が持っているだろう<S12>。九州にもそのような差別はあるに違いない<S13>。だが、九州が他の地方と比べてとりわけ男女差別が激しいとするデータはない<S14>。
How does this paragraph fit into the narrative? Even with a competent and faithful translation, English readers might be mystified on that point. Translators, on the other hand, can do a bit of research, and find that Kawai-san is still paraphrasing the 西日本新聞 article here. Reading ahead, we can see this paragraph foreshadows the section from S25 to S31 (ending 九州という特定地域を揶揄して済む問題ではない). So, sentences S12 to S14 seem to be signposting the second of two discussion threads (after the 地域差別 thread signposted in S11). There is a case for merging S12-S13 into the previous paragraph, and starting our restructured paragraph with ‘The debate was broadened … ’. Maybe simplifying the sentence structure for S12-S14 would also help keep the emphasis on the foreshadowed point (e.g., ‘Although Kyushu …S11, S12 translation > S14 ‘no evidence it is more sexist’ statement).
差別とは複合的なものだ<S15>。何かの差別を解消するために別の差別を生んでいいわけがない<S16>。例えばジェンダー・ギャップを解消するための「女性枠」について、私は過渡期には必要ではないかと思うが、男性差別との問題提起もなされている<S17>。差別の是正の試みが、男女間にとどまらず地域や貧富など別軸の差別に広がることはある<S18>。
Our finalists have rather hugged the Japanese word order and sentence structure in this section. I don’t think that is a disastrous choice, but maybe they missed some opportunities to make the English look more natural. S17 needs a bit of work to transform it into a typical ‘for example/for instance’ sentence, or it might even be better rendered with a pattern such as ‘Some see a case of this actually happening with … ’ (perhaps with the author's opinion put into parenthesis as an aside). Furthermore, given the focus of the subsequent paragraph, making ‘region’ the last term in this paragraph might work better stylistically.
今回の問題は … 注目されることを狙い面白おかしく地域差別を助長する投稿や記事が溢れた点だ<S19>。男性より貧しい食事を与えられた結果「鹿児島の女性は日常的かつ慢性的な栄養不足による低身長が多い」と書いたネット漫画、… <S20>
これに既視感を覚えた人もいるだろう<S21>。2000年代のネットで韓国に関する真偽不明の面白おかしいネタが積み重ねられた結果、嫌韓ブームや真剣な在日韓国人差別に発展していった実例もあった<S22>。個々には様々なケースや思いもあるだろう<S23>。だが、主語を大きくして、地域についての差別を助長することは許されるはずがない<S24>。
Here is some of the meat from the 地域差別 discussion thread. As a Kagoshima resident, I can tell you there is plenty of meat for everyone in this part of Kyushu, and—in my unbiased opinion—translators should convey the absurdity of the cartoon strip’s claims about my adopted hometown. Away from my personal hobby horse, we have another point where some cross-sentence thinking is required: we should have a common characterization for the 面白おかしく storytelling about Kyushu here and Korea in S22, so that readers understand the implications of homing in on a region as an outlandish source of amusement.
An altogether more crucial point is that the anti-Korean sentiments referred to in S21 and S22 are completely anchored in Japan. Japan is the only place in the world to have a 嫌韓流 phenomenon. The reference to the internet here really means the Japanese internet (can we call it the Japan-o-sphere yet?). The people who may have deja-vu are Kawai-san’s Japanese readers. We also have to be careful about 在日韓国人. I suspect Kawai-san might prefer a description like ‘members of our nation’s Korean community’ if she had to explain the term in English (avoiding a debate over who counts as ‘residents’ and who as ‘citizens’).
On a language point, the 様々なケースや思い in S23 can look rather vague when translated directly into English. I suspect Japanese readers know exactly what kind of cases are being talked about here. Playing around with the word order might help to make it equally clear to English readers. A good pattern could run: We must not generalise (like this) > We must not let perceptions of individuals (from various situations) develop into prejudice against an entire region.
恐ろしいのは、差別している、あるいは差別されているのに気づかないことである<S25>。西日本新聞の記事では、九州外で暮らしたことがない女性が「男尊女卑を感じたことはほとんどない」と語っていた<S26>。本当に男尊女卑はなかったのかもしれないし、比較対象がないからかもしれない<S27>。差別する側も、差別に当たると気づかないケースもあるだろう<S28>。日本のジェンダーにおける当たり前も、世界では差別的とされることもある<S29>。24年の「ジェンダー・ギャップ指数」で日本は146ｶ国中118位である<S30>。九州という特定地域を揶揄して済む問題ではない<S31>。
Four of our five finalists took the passage from S25 to S31 as part of the final paragraph together with the conclusion (S32). We actually need a microscope (not a normal tool for a translator!) to spot the gap that shows it isn’t. If these four finalists had used that microscope, I wonder if they would have changed their approach a little. This section stands alone (see my comment on S11–S14); it is not developing an argument sequentially from S24 to start a final approach to the conclusion. I thus argue that 恐ろしいのは is not really a comparative or superlative statement; it is a way to introduce one (standalone) aspect of the problem, and the conclusion in S31 ultimately confirms that view.
Sentences 29–S31 are not difficult to translate in themselves but they give us some very important information about the narrative. They show that Kawai-san is addressing the issue of discrimination in Japan in this commentary and is giving us a narrative that will be difficult to localise.
「さす九」騒動を機に、差別是正が差別を生む構造と、無意識下での差別について考えてはどうだろうか。<Final sentence (S32)>
「さす九」揶揄は反差別か地域差別か<Title>
A good conclusion fulfils the promise of the title (hence this display of text in a counter-intuitive order). I think our finalists all have ‘delivered’ quite well, but I see a problem with the promise they made in their titles. Japanese readers can instantly grasp the ‘promise’ of the original because they can immediately see how Sasu-Kyu relates to both ‘region’ and ‘discrimination’, but our English readers probably will not. My annual hobby is thinking up some tongue-in-cheek titles for the contest text. Please indulge me by looking at two of my favourites. The first was The Meme Mocking Japan’s ‘Sexist Southwest’: Is the Sasu-Kyu Hashtag an Attack on Discrimination or Discrimination Against a Region? and the second was Japanese Netizens Are Bashing Provincial Patriarchy with a Sarcastic Hashtag: But Are They Just Quasi-Racists Picking on a Single Region? I am sure people will immediately spot multiple reasons why these suggestions would not work in our contest, but I hope they illustrate creative approaches are needed to translate the promise of a title.
For my final general comment, I want to share this great quote from the prizewinning literary translator, Jesse Kirkwood: ‘A lot of translators talk about finding the author's voice but for me it's more like understanding the whole personality, like getting to know someone well’. Our contest gives entrants at least a month, so there is some time to get to know the author. With our author this time, Kawai-san, there is plenty to go on: her award-winning books cover topics from Japanese winegrowing to the tragedy of pregnancy misdiagnosis and the lives of sex workers, and she is a regular contributor to a number of journals. We need to look beyond the two pages of this commentary if we want to imagine a truly credible Anglophone persona for our author. We can find a lot of inspiration in Kawai-san’s published work.
For this contest, I have arranged my individual comments in the order of winner, runner-up, and then other finalists in numerical order, to avoid duplication, and state Japanese text only at the first point I refer to it. Originally, this commentary was drafted ‘blind’ without knowing the identities of our finalists, but as I rearranged my commentary order after the results were announced, I have used real names in my final version.
Winner: Chloe Kalani (E39)
Chloe really impressed with the way she could make her translation sound so natural in English. In many places, she achieved that translator’s Holy Grail of producing text that does not look like a translation. Interestingly, she produced by far the shortest version. The word count is not evaluated in this contest, but coming up with such succinct translations is likely to be very useful for Chloe in the future. This brevity demonstrates her ability to cut through the fog and present the essential information in English.
My main advice to Chloe is to think a bit more carefully about the audience, especially when they are outside of Japan. Her translation works really well for English speakers living in or interested in Japan (the sort of people who may go to the Japan Times or NHK website, for example). However, other readers may have needed some specific pieces of information about Japanese linguistic terms and the locations of Kyushu, Saga, and Kagoshima. The good news is that this point can be easily addressed with an editorial decision and does not require the acquisition of some new translation skill! As advice on translation skills, I would urge her to be a bit bolder, as it was her bolder efforts that worked best, and the more 直訳 ones that seemed weaker.
“Sasu-Kyū”: Anti-Discrimination or Regional Prejudice?
Chloe’s title is certainly succinct, which often sharpens impact on readers. As I recommended in my general comments, a slightly longer title could have done more to define Sasu-Kyu (and avoided the inelegant ‘anti-discrimination’!). The key to that might have been preserving a bit more of the sense of 揶揄 from the original.
Chloe also puts her finger on a very interesting discussion here, by translating (地域)地域差別 as (regional) ‘prejudice’ instead of ‘discrimination’. I believe the two-kanji 差別 compound acts as 語彙的結束 device in the original; however, lexical cohesion works differently in English, and can involve the use of synonyms, near-synonyms, and hyponyms. So, I think Chloe’s strategy is a very reasonable one, and in line with the differences between ‘prejudice’ and ‘discrimination’ as concepts in English.
There is a supposed technique for attracting men known as “sa-shi-su-se-so”<S1>. It strings together the first syllables of the phrases: SAsuga (“amazing”), SHIranakatta (“I didn’t know that”), SUgoi (“wow”), SEnsu ii (“good taste”), and SOu nanda (“I see”) <S2>. This technique was featured …. <S3>…. However, I felt that men too, would find the article deeply upsetting <S4>. If there were a feature entitled “Ka-Ki-Ku-Ke-Ko for Girls” — suggesting a technique for complimenting women with words such as kawaii (“cute”) or kirei (“pretty”) — I’m sure women themselves would likely feel insulted. <S5>
Chloe’s opening sentences give us a lot to like. The first sentence does a nice job of grabbing attention. In S2, ‘strings together’ was a very nice touch. The use of pronouns and em dashes help to make a very natural flow. If you look at my general comments, you can see why I think that ‘The Japanese language gives us …’ (rather than ‘there is …’) makes an even stronger opening. It looks like Chloe has opted not to translate the 褒める from 男性を褒める「モテテック」 in S1. That is a defensible choice given S2 so obviously contains compliments, but it could easily have been shifted to S2 ‘…strings together the first syllables of compliments.’ If she had then added ‘translatable as’, she could have reduced the transliteration in S2 at a stroke.
I was pleased to see something like ‘supposedly’ in S1 rather than the clunky ‘it is said (for という). But does this adverb carry a bit of a critical nuance? I believe Kawai-san is deliberately letting readers form their own opinions before she tips her hand (and that seems to be a common feature of a lot of her writing). I also wonder if the author is imagining something more active than ‘deeply upsetting’ (in S4) for men’s reaction to parallel the ‘feel insulted’ (in S5, for women). As one final point on S5, does the phrasing ‘I’m sure women themselves would likely feel …’ suggest that the author might be a man? I think it is important to avoid that impression, as Japanese readers would be certain that Kawai-san is a woman.
I was reminded of this when I saw “Sasu-Kyū” trending on social media <S6>. The term is an abbreviation for “Sasuga Kyushu” (“As expected of Kyushu”). <S7>. In this case, the phrase comes off as a sarcastic jab, mocking misogynistic men in Kyushu. <S8>.
In this section, I really liked the ‘sarcastic jab’ translation for 揶揄や嫌味が含まれている. Interestingly, Chloe has the whole Sasu-Kyu phrase conveying the sarcasm, not just the さすが component. I think that approach is defensible for a faithful-to-the-sprit translation, but it would also make the case for cutting transliteration in the previous sentences even more compelling. That cut would also get us around the problem of translating さすが in two different ways (‘amazing’ in S2 vs. ‘as expected’ in S7).
I think Chloe could have made the link to the prologue stronger (and avoided an ambiguous ‘this’ in S6) with something like ‘I was reminded of the sa-shi-su-se-so furore when I saw another string of Japanese syllables trending on social media. That strung-together phrase was Sasu-Kyū’. Finally, in this section, please see my general comments as to why I think ‘chauvinist’ or ‘sexist’ would be better than ‘misogynist’.
The uproar began in April 2024, when a man from Saga Prefecture posted on X (formerly Twitter): I told my wife, “I’m tired. I’m hungry. Bring me a lunch box,” and she showed up with an energy-packed lunch only a fool could think up. Good job, wife. The post quickly went viral, tagged critically with #SasuKyū. <S9>
I believe ‘uproar’ may not be the best term, especially as we have ‘ignite a wider debate’ in the next paragraph. I also see a subtle difference between 騒動のきっかけ and ‘The uproar began’. In my view, the post on X was more like a trigger for a series of events that built into the Sasu-Kyu controversy.
In translating the tweet itself, Chloe goes on to catch バカが考えたスタミナ弁当 very nicely as an ‘energy-packed lunch only a fool could think up’, but I still worry that some readers may see ‘Good job, wife’ as sarcastic, when we know it is not. Please see my general comments on the full post made by the guy from Saga (in Kyushu!). To save space here, I haven’t shown the way Chloe indented the quote from X as a separate paragraph. I liked that approach, but I fear she has broken the link that kept this narrative flowing as the Sasu-Kyu story. On a smaller point, I am pretty sure that the 連絡 in the original is better rendered as ‘messaged’ or even ‘texted,’ rather than ‘told’. The guy works at a car repair shop, and it is reasonable to think that his wife was at home when she got the lunch request.
Certainly, many people feel that gender discrimination is more deeply instilled in rural areas than in cities <S12>, and Kyushu is no exception <S13>. However, there is no evidence that gender discrimination is particularly worse in Kyushu compared to other regions. <S14>
Through S11 to S13, Chloe has done well in terms of a complete and accurate translation, but please see my general comments about setting up discussion threads for the reader. Furthermore, she might have avoided the repetition of ‘gender discrimination’ (and used ‘sexism’ instead?) to look more natural in English. I felt that S14 was just about the only sentence where Chloe’s sure touch for prose deserted her (I am not fond of the ‘is particularly worse… compared to …’ structure). On a more positive note, the ‘evidence’ in S14 makes Chloe the joint-winner of this year’s Natural Katakana Retro-translation Prize. I am sure that ‘evidence’ is a much better fit than ‘data’, given that Kawai-san was originally a humanities graduate.
Discrimination is a complex issue. <S15> … . Efforts to correct prejudice can sometimes extend biases beyond just gender to other variables, such as region or economic status<S18>.
As a minor point, I think Chloe needed to find something countable, rather than the word ‘complex’ in S18 (perhaps just ‘comes in multiple forms’?). However, for this paragraph, I want to concentrate on S18. In some ways, this was the most difficult sentence in the original, and I think Chloe has done really well to capture it with something so short and so natural. Chloe’s 20-word rendering of S18 certainly deserves plaudits.
Besides the serious discussions about gender inequality, what differentiates Sasu-Kyū is the flood of “clickbait” posts and articles that exploited the issue for attention while fueling regional bias <S19>. For example, an online comic claimed that “Kagoshima women are often short due to chronic malnutrition caused by being given poorer meals than men,” and online news outlets rushed to publish collections of Sasu-Kyū testimonials. These are just a few examples of the provocative clickbait culture at work<S20>.
I really liked ‘what differentiates Sasu-Kyū’ for 「今回の問題は」 in the original. When you think about it, ‘what differentiates ... ’ is a great way to translate は and readers may need reminding that 今回 means the Sasu-Kyū controversy. For some gentle polishing, how about “what differentiates Sasu-Kyū is the fueling of anti-regional bias’. (and then the bit about the posts and articles)? That would keep the emphasis of this paragraph on ‘region’, which is where it needs to be. As another plus point, ‘collections of Sasu-Kyu testimonials’ was a very imaginative way to render 「さす九」の体験談を募集して …. I liked the final ‘clickbait culture’ for アテンション・エコノミー (S20), but ‘attention economy’ seems to have become a buzzword over the last few months, so perhaps it did not need to be changed.
Some may find this familiar <S21>. In the 2000s, dubious online comedy posts about South Korea trended, leading to an anti-Korea sentiment and serious discrimination against ethnically Korean residents in Japan. .<S22> Each person has their own experiences and feelings<S23>, but when topics are generalized, it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about a region<S24>.
Chloe has rendered 面白おかしいネタ as ‘comedy posts’, which works (but maybe ‘played for comic effect’ would have been better, and a similar wording in S19 would have made the text more cohesive). She is right to say ‘Some …’ at the start of S21, but ‘Some Japanese readers’ might be the best choice. Please see my general comment on describing the Korean community in Japan. There is nothing wrong with Chloe’s translation of S23, but given the great work she has done in many other sentences, I wish she had been a bit bolder. Doesn’t the flow of the article seem to be about not generalising about a population based on perceptions of an individual bad (discriminatory) actor?
What’s most frightening is not realizing when one is discriminating — or being discriminated against. <S25> In the Nishinippon Shimbun article, a woman who had never lived outside Kyushu said, “I’ve hardly ever felt that men are misogynistic here.” <S26> Perhaps there really isn’t much of a problem, or perhaps she simply lacks a point of comparison. <S27> Furthermore, there may be cases where those who discriminate may not recognize their own prejudice. <S28> What’s considered the gender norm in Japan might be seen as discriminatory in an international context. <S29>
Please see my general comments about this paragraph as a standalone discussion thread. On a small point, I think ‘she hadn’t had much of a problem’ would have been better than ‘there really isn’t much of a problem’ in S29. However, I thought that ‘maybe she lacks a benchmark’ in the same sentence and ‘gender norms’ and ‘international context’ in S29 were excellent translations.
The Sasu-Kyū controversy should prompt us to think about how attempts to correct discrimination can breed new types of prejudice and unconscious bias.
Again, Chloe has managed to pull off a wonderfully succinct translation. I might have made it slightly longer, maybe with the adverb ‘systematically’ to label ‘breed’ (to get a bit closer to the 構造 in the original), and a sort of ‘how bias can be unconscious’ parallel structure for the second half of the conclusion. Either way, I especially liked ‘attempts to correct discrimination can breed new types of prejudice’ for ‘差別是正が差別を生む構造’. It made a very strong note to finish on.
Runner-up: Chiyo Brown (E29)
Chiyo impressed me both with her writing skills and her focus on the audience. I mentioned in my general comments that this year’s contest felt like an exercise in literary translation at times, and to me, Chiyo’s style felt the most like literary translation. Furthermore, her focus on readers was evident from the full (and necessary) Japanese context she provided for them at the outset.
My advice to Chiyo is to be a bit of a tougher editor of her own work. Some of her longer sentences did become a bit prolix; breaking them up a bit (together with being a bit braver about moving away from the Japanese word order) will make her an even stronger translator, literary or otherwise.
The Mocking Term ‘Sasu-Kyu’: Anti-Discrimination or Regional Discrimination?
Chiyo did well to work her translation of 揶揄 into the front of her title, which gives a reader a nice clue about the meaning of Sasu-Kyu. It goes a long way towards making a natural title, but please see my general comments about how else we might expand the title.
They say that when trying to attract men, one should follow the ‘sa-shi-su-se-so’ of compliments.<S1> Playing on the Japanese phonetic alphabet, the term consists of connecting the first syllables of the words sasuga (impressive!), shiranakatta (you’re so knowledgeable!), sugoi (that’s amazing!), sensu-ii (great taste!) and sounanda (wow, really?) <S2>. In 2018, the ‘sa-shi-su-se-so’ concept was published in a book aimed at young girls alongside the tagline ‘boys love compliments!’, garnering considerable backlash online. <S3> …, I suspected men too would feel terribly uncomfortable about the concept. If, for example, there was a feature article about a ‘ka-ki-ku-ke-ko for girls’ which said words like kawaii (cute) and kirei (pretty) were enough to keep any lady happy, women would surely feel belittled. <S4>
The S2 line ‘Playing on the Japanese phonetic alphabet’ might have been my favourite line in the whole contest. It captures the sense of these syllable-derived adjectives about as well as you can in English (and maybe Chiyo could then have treated the Japanese language as a ‘black box’ and cut the rest of the transliteration in S2; see my general comments about that). Another highlight was ‘garnering considerable backlash online’; I think the other finalists produced somewhat over-dramatic versions of 「ネットで炎上したこともある」, but Chiyo really nailed the こともあるnuance. She also had a really imaginative line with ‘keep any lady happy’, which perfectly captures what the thinking behind this hypothetical technique might be like. If we linked that with something like the ‘Syllables of Seduction’, might we be getting closer to recreating the feeling of a pun in S4?
In S4, I feel that men’s reaction should be something more active like ‘object strongly’ rather than the passive-sounding ‘feel terribly uncomfortable’.
The ‘one (should follow)’ style is a little stilted nowadays, but I think it would still work for most Commonwealth-country audiences, although North American audiences might be another matter. As a very pedantic point, I believe any writer who uses phrases like ‘one should follow’ would almost certainly use the subjunctive ‘if there were’ (not ‘was’) in S4.
All of this came to mind after I recently saw the term ‘Sasu-Kyu’ trending online as a way to ridicule misogyny in the Kyushu region of Southwestern Japan<S5>. A portmanteau of the phrase ‘Sasuga Kyushu’ (That's impressive, Kyushu!), ‘sasuga’ carries much sarcasm in this instance.
Chiyo has clearly thought about linking the prologue to the main text. Repeating ‘term’ certainly helps readers to join the dots, but I wonder if she could build on her excellent idea for S2; how about ‘after I saw another term derived from the Japanese phonetic alphabet trending online here. That term was Sasu-Kyu.’? Making the introduction over two sentences is also a good way to give Sasu-Kyu the fanfare it deserves in the English text.
Another excellent point was fully identifying Kyushu as being in south-western Japan. I think this is indispensable for Anglophone readers’ overall understanding, and rather cleverly foresees why the ‘southern’ island of Kyushu might have a newspaper called the ‘West Japan Daily’.
I fear that ‘portmanteau’ may not work well, however erudite it seems. The complexity in Kawai-san’s writing tends to come from abstraction of concepts rather than the vocabulary itself. I think the latter is probably accessible even for 18-year-olds, so ‘portmanteau’ might not fit. I also wondered if this word distracted Chiyo a bit in this sentence, as we seem to have a dangling modifier (the portmanteau refers to Sasu-Kyu in its entirety, which does not match having only the ‘sasuga’ as the subject in the main part of the sentence). Finally, please see my general comments as to why I think ‘sexism’ would be better than ‘misogyny’.
The uproar began in April 2024, when a man from Saga Prefecture in Kyushu posted about his wife’s hand-made bento box on the social media platform, X. The post, which reads, ‘Just by telling my wife “I’m tired. I’m hungry. Bring me lunch.” she makes me this kind of “Idiotic stamina-boosting bento box” and brings it to me…what a good wife’, was shared across the internet with the ‘Sasu-Kyu’ hashtag and received widespread criticism. <S9>
Please see my comments to Chloe (E39) on why I feel ‘The uproar began ... ’ is problematic. As a small point here, I also wonder about the definite article in front of ‘uproar’. Do readers have all the information they need to ‘define’ the uproar at this point? I would be tempted to write something like ‘Sasu-Kyu has also caused a controversy, and we can trace the roots of the controversy back to …’ to deal with the various issues around ‘uproar’.
On a more positive note, I would like to award Chiyo the Punctuation Prize for correctly using the redaction marks before ‘what a good wife’ (and her use of Commonwealth English punctuation is flawless throughout!). More seriously, we can see that Chiyo obviously found the post on X in full, and if she had thought about that a bit more thoroughly, I am sure she would not have used ‘idiotic’ as an adjective for the stamina bento. Please see my general comments on capturing the Saga guy’s mindset, but full marks on identifying Saga as par of Kyushu (the only finalist to do so!).
On the 9th of March, the front page of the Kyushu-based West-Japan Daily featured an article on the ‘Sasu-Kyu’ movement, arguing the term carried undertones of ‘regional discrimination’, further broadening the scope of the debate<S11>.
Indeed, the sentiment that regional Japan has more firmly-rooted gender-based discrimination than urban areas is likely widespread<S12>. Prejudice regarding gender roles undoubtedly exists in Kyushu<S13>. However, there is no evidence to suggest that gender-based discrimination is significantly worse in Kyushu than in other regions<S14>.
Please see my general comments on Sentences S11 to S14, on the need to enhance competent translations so that they land more powerfully with readers. For example, Chiyo has Sasu-Kyu ‘carrying undertones of’ 地域差別, when Kyushu people obviously see it as having a far more direct impact that that. I also commented on how S11 and then S12-S14 are signposts for separate discussion threads. Thus, I think the ‘Indeed’ at the front of S12 is misleading. S12 is not adding emphasis to S11 (if you want ‘indeed’ here, I think it would work better next to the main verb in typical adverb style). Chiyo has shown elsewhere that she is such a good writer, but I fear she has retreated into her shell a little here. I am sure she could have produced something more effective without stating ‘gender’ three times in succession through these sentences. On the positive side, this is the point where I awarded Chiyo another prize (to be shared with Chloe) for translating ‘デー’ as evidence, not data.
… . Attempting to address discrimination against one group by discriminating against others is clearly unacceptable <S16>. For example, while I believe implementing ‘gender quotas’ to address systemic gender imbalances in society is necessary during transitional periods, others have voiced concerns as to whether these quotas amount to discrimination against men <S17>. Efforts to correct gender-based discrimination can indeed extend beyond gender and lead to entirely unrelated forms of prejudice, such as regional or class-based discrimination <S18>.
Chiyo’s translation here does not have any major problems, but I reproduce this section to make a point about style. A lot of Chiyo’s prose is very good, but she does have a bit of a weakness for long sentences, and they have run riot a bit here. Many English style guides talk about front-loading of sentences, but in each of these three long sentences, Chiyo delays the entry of the main verb. Doing this now and again is not a major problem but three times in a row is making readers work harder than they would like too. Getting carried away with long sentences also throws up things like the double reference to gender in S18. I am pretty sure that would attract a sub-editor’s red pen (efforts to correct gender discrimination going beyond gender). Please see my other general comments about this paragraph.
The issue with the ‘Sasu-Kyu’ movement stems from an abundance of posts and articles that, instead of sticking to genuine debate about misogyny, jokingly encouraged regional discrimination in an attempt to seek out attention <S19>. Whether it be webcomics claiming that ‘every-day and chronic lack of nutrition causes women from Kagoshima [a prefecture in Kyushu] to be shorter in height’ due to being given a poorer diet than men, or online news sites …, the inflammatory attention economy has fuelled discrimination <S20>.
Chiyo made a good choice to turn 今回の問題 into a specific reference to ‘Sasu-Kyu’. I think readers would benefit from the reminder (but I think ‘controversy’ would have been better than ‘movement’). Elsewhere I commented on the need to rein in long sentences, but here I want to highlight one that works really well: the ‘Whether it be ... or ...’ pattern is a classy piece of writing. I liked the choice of ‘inflammatory’ for 煽動的too, and Chiyo correctly recognised that readers should be told that Kagoshima is a Kyushu prefecture.
I’m sure some people will feel a sense of deja vu regarding these events <S21>. In the 2000s, the proliferation of dubious Korea-related stories brought about an anti-Korean movement and serious discrimination against Korean residents of Japan <S22>. Each of us has unique experiences and perspectives. However, generalising individual narratives to encourage discrimination against an entire region is in no way acceptable <S23>.
I liked the choice of ‘proliferation’ for 「積み重ねられた」. I would like to have seen that followed by something more closely mirroring that way 面白おかしい was used in S22 (Chiyo had ‘jokingly encouraged’ at that point). As I said in my general comments, I felt that bolder (and/or re-ordered) translations to make S23 look less vague would have enhanced this translation too.
Chiyo also did a pretty good job with the final section, but please see my general comments about a possible misunderstanding of the discussion thread on unconscious discrimination due to missing a final paragraph break. Recognising the paragraph would also allow the slightly misleading ‘Instead’ to be deleted from the front of the conclusion.
… let us take the ‘Sasu-Kyu’ controversy as an opportunity to consider both our approach to subconscious discrimination and the structures that allow anti-discrimination measures to bring about discrimination themselves.
I think Chiyo has worked some nice ideas into her conclusion, but a bit of polishing might have helped to leave readers with a slightly stronger parting shot. For example, I think a tweak to have ‘discrimination itself’ rather than ‘anti-discriminatory measures … themselves,’ and having the ‘unconscious discrimination’ part (rather than ‘subconscious’) come last might make a better stylistic crescendo for readers. However, ‘let us take’ probably captures the author’s intention for the conclusion very well, and leaves readers contemplating the moral of the story.
(To be continued to Part 2-2)