2010年3月8日
ＪＡＴ会員のみなさま、
２０１０年ＪＡＴ選挙管理委員会より、理事および監事の立候補者一覧を謹んで公開させて頂きます。
まず最初に、立候補者の皆様に選挙管理委員会より心からお礼を申し上げます。皆様の貢献なくして、ＪＡＴの適切な組織運営を続けていくことはできません。
また、この候補者一覧に欠けている名前があると思われた場合は、大変お手数ですが、 [email protected] までメールにてお知らせくださいますよう、お願い致します。
投票期間は３月９日から１９日（23:59:59 JST）までです。具体的な投票方法については、個別にメールでお知らせ致します。
候補者に対してご質問がある場合は、各候補者に直接ご質問いただくか、またはフォーラム（http://members.jat.org/forums/2 ）にご投稿ください。ただし、選挙自体の内容につきましては [email protected] までお問い合わせください。
ご協力のほどよろしくお願い申し上げます
2010年選挙管理委員会
委員長 ウェンディ・マックブライド
委員 川辺陽子
委員 ゲイリー・ロバーツ
Candidates standing for director
Christopher Blakeslee （クリストフアー ブレイクスリー） Profile
Gender: M
Nationality: US
I enjoy my current jobs on the board as membership officer and board liaison to the Website Development Advisory Committee, and would like to continue contributing for another year or two. I particularly look forward to helping usher in a new more visible and more functional JAT web presence and leveraging that presence to grow the membership base.
Catherine Nakamichi （中道 キャサリン） Profile
Gender: F
Nationality: Australian
JAT has been instrumental in assisting me to build my career and my business. The people I have met, the seminars I have attended and the work I have put in organizing the JATKAT meetings and ProJECT Osaka have all been invaluable.
As a director of JAT I would like to put my energy into helping JAT better answer the needs of more JAT members.
Issues close to my heart include; the website, supporting organizers of IJETs and ProJECTs, PR, e juku and mentoring and regional meetings.
Michael Hendry (ヘンドリー マイケル) Profile
Gender: M
Nationality: Australian
My name is Michael Hendry. I've been translating J>E for 12 years and I've been a JAT member for 7 years. I am one of three owners of the Honyaku mailing list. I've helped run a JAT election a few years ago.
I'm not a "committee" man at heart, but given a task I will get it done. I was one of the hard workers who helped run IJET-20 last year and even though I literally spent hundreds of hours on it, I strongly believe it was time well spent.
I'm vocal about some things, especially when I think the members are being ignored. If you vote me onto the Board, you can expect that to continue. I might not win every battle, and in fact I might not even be on your side, but I'll at least try to ensure good communication.
JAT currently has many irons in the fire but only a limited number of members who will stoke that fire. If we can do everything we are currently doing without burnout, then great. But let's not overdo things. Let's just do them right. I _won't_ be advocating for more things for an overstretched Board/membership to take on. I _will_ be taking on a role and doing it as well as possible.
I'm _against_ negative voting. I'm _for_ announcing candidates for the election as soon as they nominate. I'm _for_ a searchable archive. I'm _for_ continuing to offer members the option of accessing the list emails through their email client. I _do_ realize my opinions are different from other people's opinions - that's why decisions are not entrusted to one person only.
Having organized an IJET, I realize that this position will require many, many hours of my time, which I consider as “giving back” to my community.
Michael House (マイケル・ハウス) Profile
Gender: M
Nationality: USA
I joined JAT in 1995, and have served twice as a Director. I think enough water has gone under enough bridges since my last term to warrant running for the Board again. More importantly, I see the current election as an opportunity to endorse the Board's initiatives in recent years with my own active participation therewith. I look forward to offering my experiences and perspective in working with my presumptive fellow Directors in the coming term, both on plans for the JAT Website and other ideas going forward. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Mark Stevenson (スティーブンソン・マーク) Profile
Gender: M
Nationality: Australian
I've been a JAT member for only five years. JAT's events, including IJETs, have been invaluable in helping me find a direction as a translator. Lately, I've noticed myself chatting with prospective and new JAT members and giving advice that I wish I had been able to give myself five years ago (I hope that doesn't sound immodest). I'm interested in the side of JAT that helps newer translators to develop and to care about quality, because it ultimately benefits the industry as a whole. Events like IJET and the PROJECT one-dayers are indispensable, but I would like to lay the ground work for developing a JAT style sheet or style guide, and perhaps even a best practices document. In short, I am interested in more formally documenting the immense knowledge pool of the membership in a way that will benefit all. I am also interested in running a project to document JAT's history. Thank you.
Candidates standing for auditor
Gender: M
Nationality: USA
I believe that JAT's educational mission is worth supporting and JAT should have its two auditors. I therefore announce my candidacy for auditor.
As an auditor cannot make proposals and does not have a vote in Board decisions, I have no platform or set of proposals for specific JAT undertakings to announce or run on.
Frank Moorhead (フランク モアヘッド) Profile
Gender: M
Nationality: UK
I have lived in Japan for 41 years, been a J-to-E translator for over 35 years, and a JAT member for over 10 years. I have decided to run for the position of Auditor both to contribute to the organization and to learn more about it. As I understand it, the Auditor’s job is to ensure the Board conducts its activities fairly and transparently in accordance with the Teikan and Bylaws and, if called upon, to inject balance into Board discussions from a neutral, objective perspective. Having served on various committees at several non-translation-related organizations, I think I have something to give in this area.
Equally important, the Auditors must ensure that all JAT’s financial dealings are fair and above board. Although I am not an accountant, I believe my experience running a couple of small companies will help me considerably in vetting JAT’s financial statements and transactions.
Under Helen Iwata, the current Board is perhaps the most dynamic I have experienced since I joined JAT, and I would like to do what I can to ensure it achieves as many of its objectives as possible. In particular, I am keen to see it resolve once and for all some extremely important long-standing problems, such as JAT’s web presence, mailing list, archives and related issues, so that future boards can move on to tackle other important questions.
Apart from what I learned from my time on the Election Committee in 2009, I do not profess to have an intimate knowledge of the regulations that govern JAT, let alone the inner workings of the Board, but have no doubt that, if elected, I shall have to acquire the necessary information very quickly. This I am happy to do.
記事全文
2010年1月5日
英日部門には 37 人の応募がありました。応募して下さった皆様には心からお礼を申し上げます。厳正な審査の結果、以下の5人が最終選考に残りました（敬称略）。
No. 91 Naoko Kagiya
No.114 Fumiko Uchiyama
No.140 Ichiro Shirakawa
No.141 Kim Younghee
No.161 Yukiko Oda
さらに最終審査の結果、入賞者が次のように決定しました。
第１位 No.140 Ichiro Shirakawa
第２位 No.141 Kim Younghee
選ばれた方も、惜しくも選外となられた方も、ぜひ原文とご自分の翻訳をもう一度見直して、翻訳力向上の一助にしていただければ幸いです。
コンテスト実行委員
井隼 眞奈子
チャールズ・アッシュマン
■審査講評
佐藤綾子審査員
参加者の皆様、おつかれさまでした。そして上位入賞の方々、おめでとうございます。
今回の課題文は、前回より身近な問題を扱っており、訳しやすい文章だと思われましたが、それでも皆様が共通してはまってしまった「トラップ」がいくつがありました。以下、いくつか選んで順番にみていきます（他の審査員お二人のコメントと一部重複するかもしれません）。
翻訳前の調査には、次のようなサイトが参考となるでしょう。
災害看護 役立ちマニュアル：高齢者編「高齢者に必要な災害への備えと対処」
http://www.coe-cnas.jp/group_senior/manual/manual01/index.html
● “Here are some helpful hints for you to consider”
その前の文章”… is to be prepared.”とうまくつなげて訳せるかどうかがポイント。
訳例: 「高齢のご家族の介護に備えて、暴風雨対策をしておくのも良いかもしれません。その際は、以下のヒントをお役立てください。」
● ”… during the power outrages and the lack of services that were not available.”
"services”は公共サービス、あるいはutility （水道やガス）とは限らない｡通信、医療、交通、保育・介護関連、店舗開業、商品配達、ごみ収集、郵便なども考えられる。
● 項目１“Stock up on incontinent supplies such as diapers, baby wipes…,
”such as”がどこまでさすのかは、2通りに解釈できる。 第１に、おしめ以外の「パンツやパッド」が省略されている（”incontinent supplies such as adult diapers (＋ pants ＋ pads)”という解釈（近所のドラッグストアの介護用品コーナーをチェックしました）。もう１つは、お尻ふきや手袋も含んだ ”such as diapers ＋ baby wipes ＋ gloves”という解釈（これらも介護用品コーナーに並んでいた）。またglovesは、介護の業界では「グローブ」とカタカナで使う例もあるようだが、一般にはまだ野球やボクシングで使うものを連想するのではないか？
● 項目1 “…and other personal care supplies”
“personal + care supplies(個人用介護用品)” とも解釈できるが、ここは”personal care +supplies” （パーソナルケア製品＝ヘアケア、オーラルケア、スキンケア、オーラルケアなど、体の手入れのために用いられる製品一般）ではないか。ただしGoogleで画像検索をすると、いずれも似たようなものが出てくる。
● 項目3 “These lights provide more room lighting like they are used to…,”
“more…like”「ランタン型は、一点を照らす懐中電灯より広い範囲を照らすので、いつもの照明の状態に近い」ということ。キャンプに持っていくようなランタンでは「通常より明るく」はならないと思う。
● 項目5 ”Your elder”
頻出するが、一々訳さなくても、文脈からわかる場合もある。
● 項目5 “Houston 、TX…Houston-Harris County 211 Special Needs Transportation Registry.”
テキサス＿州＿のハリス郡のなかにヒューストン＿市＿がある（呼び方や並べ方が不自然な人がいた。日本語では通常「東京都渋谷区・・・」のように列挙する）。“Special Needs Transportation” は、ワシントン州の法律では次のように定義されている：People with special transportation needs are defined in state law as people, including their attendants, who because of physical or mental disability, income status, or age, are unable to transport themselves or purchase transportation. [47.06B.012 RCW]. “Transport”は 英語ではヒトにもモノにも使うが、日本語の「輸送」や「搬送」は主にモノが対象である。交通分野でヒトを集合的に扱う際に「輸送（例：大量輸送機関）」、医療や介護の世界では自力で動けないヒトを運ぶのに「搬送（例：重傷者の搬送）」を使うが、いずれもヒトをひとりの人間として扱わない場合のような気がする。ちなみに日本には「災害時要援護者登録制度」がある。
● 項目6 “businesses…if they have no power…”
ここでは「ビジネス」は適当ではない。“power”は「力」と解釈していた人が多かったが、ここは「電気」。透析時の停電対策例はこちら。http://202.216.128.227/透析百科/25.03.htm
● “Always remember that your… that are out of the ordinary. Hurricanes certainly can be classified as not normal.”
この２つの文章は、たとえば”out of the ordinary”と “not normal”を「非常時」で統一して、「忘れてはならないのは、非常時には高齢者は混乱しがちだという点だ。そしてハリケーンはまさに『非常時』だといえるだろう」などと訳すと、すらっと読める。
次に、個別に簡単にコメントさせていただきます。
No.91
題名の訳「高齢者を守るハリケーンへの備え」が一読して意味不明で（高齢者を守るハリケーン＋への備え？）、「ハリケーンシーズンに備える季節が再びやってきた」では「シーズン」と「季節」が同語反復なので、出だしでかなりの減点となってしまいました。その他にも誤訳や不自然な表記や表現が見受けられました。「このような食品は保存がきき・・」は、適切な表現だったと思います。
No.114
項目１で解釈のちがいによる訳抜け（”and other personal care supplies”）があったのと、「お年寄り」とそれに対応する文体の使い方、項目６の「お年寄りを救う力を失った場合」、あるいは項目８の「予備として手動の車いすをお年寄りのために準備しておいた方がよいかもしれません」という冗長表現などが減点対象となりました。項目３（「・・・慣れ親しんでいる室内照明に近いうえ」）の訳し方は、5人の中で一番よかったと思います。
No.161
項目１の「下の処理」は確かにそうなのですが、もう少しオブラートにくるんだような表現が使えないかと思いました。全体を「である」体で簡潔にまとめたのはよいのですが、どこか命令口調（「上から目線」？）で、これを読んだ人が共感して「ぜひ対策を立てよう！」という気にならないのではと思いました。“Battery”は、私は「電池」を考えてしまいますが、「電池」と「バッテリー」の使い分けはどうでしょうか（分野によって異なるでしょうが）。
No.141
項目３と６の誤訳（「～よりも明るい」、「受け入れ不能」）、もう一工夫すべき表現（「不十分な状態の間」、「必ずランタン型で」、「作動に電力が必要」、「気のきいた方法」、「ハリケーン備品」、「まったく同様に関心がある」、「多少とも和らげて」）がありましたが、文章は読みやすかったです。
No.140
誤訳（「明るさと同じ程度」）も、もう一工夫すべき表現（「考慮すべき点」、「世話を容易にする」、「これ」の多用、「身近な高齢者」、「情報には興味がある」、「ハリケーンは少し気楽なものになるはずである」）も多々あったものの、項目６で唯一「停電」と解釈できていたことなど、減点が他より僅差で少なく、1位となりました。
ここまでお読み下さった皆様（コンテストへの参加の有無に関わらず）、課題文の分析やコメントを、今後に役立てていただければ幸いです。他人の訳文を批判するのは簡単ですが、いざ自分で訳してみるとなると、大変です（自戒を込めて）。
石原ゆかり審査員
応募者の皆さん、お疲れ様でした。上位に選出された方々、おめでとうございます。
今回の課題文は「災害」と「高齢者」という身近なテーマであり、文章も平易であると感じた方が多かったのではないでしょうか。それを反映してか、最終選考対象の 5 作品いずれも大きな誤訳もなく全体的に良く訳されていたと思います。ただ、用語選択、文法、表現など、細かな点を見ると 1 位の作品を含め、「詰めが甘い」印象を受けました。プロとして通用するには、原文に忠実に訳すように心がけるのはもちろんのこと、細かな点をきちんと押さえ、丁寧に訳す技術力が必要です。ポイントを以下にまとめてみました。
リサーチ：原文を正確に理解するためにはリサーチは欠かせません。プロの翻訳者は翻訳作業の多くをリサーチに費やします。「Hurricane Ike」や防災対策関連について調査されましたか？「Houston-Harris County 211...」のホームページはご覧になりましたか？インターネット、検索エンジンは翻訳者の強い味方。「incontinent supplies」、「lantern type light」、「oxygen supply companies」、「power scooter」など、字面だけで訳したり、辞書で引いたりするのみでなく、実際どんなものを指すのか、実際の製品や例を探してみてください。「Ensure」は社名ではないこと、また、「Locate businesses...」の「businesses」はどのように訳すべきなのかが明確になることでしょう。「Houston」、「TX」は、この場合は「地区」ではありませんよね。
文法・作文力：特に日本語ネイティブの方、日本語の文法や文章力向上にも力を入れてください。もし、この文章を日本語で書き直してみるとしたら、どのように表現されますか？何かヘン、これって直訳？と思ったら、いったん翻訳から離れて自分の言葉で言い換えてみてください。自然な表現が生まれてきます。「～への対処をどのようにするか」、「停止が起こった」、「備蓄に追加する」、また、(この文脈で)「「関心を引く」、「を銘記する」という表現は普段お使いになりますか?
語調・レジスター：特にビジネス文書を翻訳する場合、文脈や対象読者、目的にふさわしい語調が求められます。今回の課題文は、名前から著者が女性であること（一概に言えない場合もありますが）、対象読者は一般大衆、目的はアドバイスであることが分かり、親しみやすい語調が適切だと思います。「もらいたい」は書き手の方が読み手よりも上であるかのような印象を与えます。また、「お年寄り」と敬称を使った場合は尊敬表現を使用するのが一般的でしょう。「～してあげる」、「彼ら」などの表現は、この文章のテーマである「elders」に対し配慮に欠けています。翻訳者の前に書き手として、意図的でなくても読み手の感情を傷つけてしまう表現を決して使用しないよう、細心の注意を払うことが必要です。
想像：課題文は表現が豊かな文章で、状況が目に浮かんで来ませんか？翻訳者としてではなく、まず一読者として原文を読み、自分がその立場になったときのことを想像してみてください。「very uncertain of changes」とはどのような状況なのでしょうか。柔らかい赤ちゃんのお尻を拭くのに使うのは「ペーパータオル」でしょうか？「ランタン型の照明」は「室内照明よりも明るく」というと少々無理がある気がします。「medications」を「常備薬」とすると、処方されている薬だから簡単には手に入らないから困るのだ、という著者の意図があまり伝わってきません。
目的や場所、比較の対象が曖昧：「記載された」、「新しい情報を伝える際」、「高齢のご家族もまったく同様に」は、それぞれ、「どこに記載？」、「誰に伝える？」「誰と同様？」と疑問に思いました。原文を読むと「記載」の場所は明らかではなく、「指定」といった場所を特定しない表現が適切で、「新しい情報を伝える際」は「～にも伝える」などとした方が高齢者以外の対象を特定する必要がなくなります。「高齢のご家族もまったく同様に」は、「you」を訳した方が著者の意図がはっきりすると思います。
一貫表現、重複表現：「storm」と「hurricane」、「ordinary」と「normal」など、原文では違う言葉が使ってあっても日本語では同じ言葉を使った方が効果的な場合もあります。また、特に箇条書きの場合は語尾を統一すると（「用意。」「用意すること。」）読みやすくなります。逆に「支援」と「援助」、「季節」と「シーズン」と日本語では違う言葉でも同じような意味なので、1 つの文で同時に出てくると重複している印象を受けました。
「支援xx」：「Special Needs Transportation」は、日本語では「支援xx」よりは「xx支援」の方が自然です。こうした複合語で構成される名称などの場合は必ずしも原文の語順どおりにしなくてもよいのです。
体裁、表記：91 番は行間が原文と大きく異なるため、大きな減点とはしなかったものの第一印象で損をしました。実務では原文と同様の体裁を求められることも多く、基本的な書式設定などができると良いでしょう。「類（たぐい）」は括弧で読みを付けるのであれば、他の表現を使った方がよいかもしれません。「メアリ. D.～」と名前にピリオドを付けるのは一般的でありません。通常は、中点もしくは中黒（・）を付けるか、もしくは何も付けません。
今後の参考にしていただければ幸いです。次回もぜひ挑戦してください！
千桝靖審査員
まずは、コンテストに応募された皆様、本当にお疲れ様でした。
評価には昨年同様の減点制を採用しています。減点法の根拠、方法については前年のコメントを参照してください。減点法なので悪い所ばかりをあげつらう形になり、「褒められて伸びるタイプ」の方には向いていない方法かもしれませんが、御容赦ください。今年は非常に接戦でした。順位はつけていますが、非常に僅差ですので、1位を逃した方もあまりがっかりしないでください。
翻訳業では語学力、専門分野の知識の他にも他の職業と同様に社会人としての常識も必要になります。例えば、「ですます」調と「である」調のどちらを選択するかは、この常識が物をいう場合があります。また、数多い選択肢から訳語を選ぶ場合も、常識を働かせることで適切な訳語が選択できる場合があることも皆さん経験されていると思います。しかし、今回読ませて頂いた訳文では、「正確に翻訳するんだ！」ということに固執しすぎて、「この状況でこんな表現、普通日本語で使うだろうか？」と常識を働かせることを忘れてしまい減点された例が多数見受けられます。一生懸命翻訳した直後は頭が固まっているので、しばらく時間をおいてから、常識を働かせて自分の翻訳を読んでください。すると翻訳作業中には気づかない「変な日本語」を「普通の日本語」に修正できる場合があります。それでは皆さんが共通で減点されている箇所が数カ所あるので、まずはそこからコメントしていきたいと思います。
「ハリケーンシーズン/の季節 + 季節/時期」：見事に全員トートロジー（同義語重複)に陥っています。これは「原文に忠実な直訳」のままではまずい場合もあるという好例です。
「incontinent supplies such as」：「such as」がどこまで含めるのかで解釈が分かれていますが、片方が完全に間違っていると言い切れない面が残るため評価対象から外しています。ただし、「incontinent supplies」「adult diapers」「baby wipes」「gloves」の訳語については、リサーチ力の見せどころということで評価対象としましたが、残念ながら全員どこかで減点となりました。詳細は、個別のコメントを参照してください。
「they have no power」：「power」はどうしても「パワー」とカタカナで頭の中に入って来るので誤訳しがちです。今回ここで間違った皆さんは、ある意味ラッキーです。今回間違えたことが記憶に残って今後は間違えないと思います。
「more room lighting」：この「more」を訳出できている人はいませんでした。「more」があって「than」がなければ、何と比較しているのかと疑問を持って欲しかったです。
言葉足らずの印象を与える言い回し：「必要となる（誰に？）」「伝え（誰に？）」「同様に（何と）」「加え（何に）」など完全な意味を連想できるものの日本語での補語が欲しいと読者に感じさせる言い回しが共通してみられました。このような場合、補語を補って解決する場合もありますが、補うことでかえって冗長な印象を与える場合もあります。後者の場合は、他の言い方や文章構造を工夫する必要があります。
それでは以下、個別コメントに移ります。ワードチョイスの減点にはその根拠をつけていませんが、皆さん自分で考えてみてください。
91番
「接してあげる」「知らせてあげる」という表現は、どのような含意を持つでしょうか。文法的に問題ないという意見もあるかもしれませんが、世間一般でこの表現がどのような印象を与えるかをリサーチしてください。また、国語辞書の解説も読んでください。さらに、「高齢者への対処をどのようにするかという問題」とありますが、高齢者は「対処」すべき「問題」であると作者は述べているでしょうか。高齢者への「care」について語る文章で、これらの表現がふさわしいかを再考してください。「同じ明るさ」「受け入れてもらえるか」は誤訳です。「必要な場合には」は、原文にありません。「記載された」は意味不明です。「交通登録所」「サニタリー用品」「公共サービス」「保護する」「備蓄に追加」などは、不適切なワードチョイスとして減点しました。
114番
まず気になるのは「お年寄り」。「お年寄り」という言葉は、使用する状況や文体が限定され、この訳文中でもなじんでいないように感じます。「あなた」も違和感があり、一工夫欲しいところです。「救う力を失った」は誤訳です。「日常から離れた状況」は、もう少しこなれた表現が望まれます。「エンシュア社」「ヒューストン・ハリス郡」は、リサーチ不足。「赤ちゃんのおしり拭き」もリサーチすると「赤ちゃんのおしりふき」（「ふき」はひらがな）という商品がでてきました。注意してください。例えば、「courier」などは「宅急便」（ヤマト運輸の商品名）ではなく「宅配便」などと訳す必要があります。少なくとも産業翻訳では、商品名に関しては常にNHK並みに注意しましょう。ワードチョイスに問題があるのは、「公共サービス」「介助・介護する」「制定されました」などです。
140番
「予期することが不得手」「考慮すべき点」は、誤訳（超訳？）です。また「考慮すべき点をいくつかあげよう。」の一文は、文章の流れを止めてしまっているように感じました。「排泄処理用品」「ウェットティッシュ」は、もう一度リサーチしてください。「自分」および「これ」は、常にとは限りませんが使い方によってはレジスターが低くなるので注意してください。「Locate businesses your elder…」の文章には、「サービス提供者」「酸素提供者」「バックアップ対応」とこなれていない表現が集中しています。「没頭するのに良い手段」は唐突な印象があり、強いて「没頭」を使うとしても「嵐のことを忘れて没頭するには良い手段」の方が読み易い通常の日本語の語順ではないでしょうか。「平常でない状況の時」は、冗長表現と感じます（「非常時」で十分では？）。「少し気楽なもの」「支援方法」、「公共サービス」、「地区」は、ワードチョイスの問題として減点しました。
141番
明らかな誤訳は、「よりも明るく」、「受け入れ不能」の2カ所です。「いつもと同じ状態にない」は冗長に感じます。「常備薬」「部分」「グローブ」「ハリケーン備品」「気の利いた」は、ワードチョイスの問題として減点しました。「ハリケーン時家族」は「ハリケーン時に家族」と助詞を入れたほうがすっきりすると思います。
161番
まず気になるのが「XXだ」「XXしておくものだ」などの強い断定的な文体です。減点法での翻訳評価の基準には、原文から乖離している度合い（誤訳など）やターゲット言語での完成度以外にもどれだけ修正に手間がかかるかという基準があります。文体の修正は、一括変換というわけにはいかず、非常に時間と手間がかかるので、大きな減点につながります。簡潔にまとめようという努力が実っている表現もあるので、もったいない文体の選択だったと思います。またこの文体で「あなた」を使用すると、高圧的にさえ感じます。「助ける力がない」は誤訳です。「銘記する」は、意味不明です。「下の処理」は、異なる意味でも使用されるので避けた方が良いでしょう。不適切な表現、ワードチョイスの問題として減点したのは、「ペーパータオル」「買いだめ」「バッテリー」「テキサス地域」「頭に入れておくべき」などです。
以上、批判ばかりで申し訳ありませんが、少しでもお役にたてば幸いです。このコンテストでの努力を糧に、皆様の2010年の飛躍をお祈りいたします。
記事全文
2010年1月5日
大変申し訳ありませんが、このページは英語のみです。
The judges of the 6th annual JAT translation contest for new and aspiring translators (Japanese to English) have made their final decision, and the results are as follows:
There were 39 entrants and the semi-finalists in the Japanese to English division, in order of the numbers assigned to their entries, were:
99. Monica Kassab
108. Jillian Nonaka
120. Jason Morgan
123. Stephen Jensen
162. Elise Kavanagh
After much deliberation, the judges awarded prizes as follows:
First place: No. 162, Elise Kavanagh
Second place: No. 108, Jillian Nonaka
Many thanks to everyone who applied. Choosing the winners was a difficult task, given the number of entries and their level. Even if you did not win, we hope you found the contest to be a challenging and worthwhile exercise, and we hope that some of you will try again next year.
Charles Aschmann
Manako Ihaya
Contest Liaison
Commentaries from the Judges
Malcolm James
The stated purpose of the contest is "to cultivate new talent in commercial non-literary translation." In judging, I was trying to find the person with the most talent to become a top commercial translator, not the person who produced the best translation at this stage. Simple misinterpretations are likely to disappear with experience, so I regard them as less of a problem than if this were an actual commercial translation. I’m much less willing, however, to be lenient on translators who submit a translation that doesn’t seem to have got a final read-through, or who produce a translation that doesn’t seem to have considered the document’s context and purpose. Each of the entries commented on below has its own merits and displays the signs of a competent translator. All the finalists have the potential to be good commercial translators and are to be congratulated on their efforts.
General points
This year's passage for translation was very dense. Careful reading of both the passage and of its context on the website were essential to ensure full understanding. The translators consequently had to do a lot of research, both to confirm the meaning of the original, and to check appropriateness of phrasing for the translation. The section on medical infrastructure proved particularly difficult, with none of the finalists or other entrants producing a completely "correct" translation. However, the difficulty of the task gave the entrants a good opportunity to demonstrate their skills at translating with both accuracy and readability.
Specific points for #099
This translation was easy to read, and had some very good phrasing. Examples that stood out include "offer telecommuting options," and "for children who need a place to go after school." However, simplifications to aid legibility often went too far, resulting in mistranslations such as a "City of 42 Million" (not just one city, surely) and "Pedestrian crossing with bicycle lane ..." (the crossing in the photo doesn't appear to have a separate bicycle lane.) The translator writes well, so further improvement would come from going through the Japanese text again after finishing the translation to check that all the content of the original has been covered.
Specific points for #108
This translation was well written and easy to read, but there were areas where it hinted that the translator did not really understand the document and how it related to the overall context. For instance, this document was one page of a pdf containing basically one project per page, so it seemed odd to have "projects" plural in the title. Also, it seems odd to say "we are working to ..." in the introductory paragraph when the project has not yet got the goahead. In contrast, subsection titles were well thought out and well translated. I particularly liked "Revitalizing our planned communities" for succinctly conveying the basic point that the Japanese postwar New Towns are no longer new. How to improve? Think more about the overall context to gain a deeper understanding of the document before translating. A "reality check" of the finished translation would also be helpful. For instance, look at the map and ask, "does Tokyo really only have about a dozen highways?" With a deeper understanding of the documents to be translated, the translation and writing skills shown here provide the potential for this entrant to become a very good translator.
Specific points for #120
The translator had obviously understood the overall context of the document and tried hard to convey all the meaning, showing flair for translation through phrases like "... running community buses." However, the translation was let down by being hard to read and by mistranslations such as "flex-time" and "typical" sidewalk (probably "ideal"/"model"). The mistranslations are likely to disappear as the translator gains experience, so to improve, the translator needs to work on his/her style. Start by looking for instance at how 108 handled the introductory paragraph, expressing almost the same information in only half the number of words.
Specific points for #123
This translation had some very good translations of the public sector terminology, and fewer errors than any of the other finalists but sometimes ending up being more difficult to read than the original. For instance, the introductory paragraph could have been shorter or split into more than one sentence. However, I particularly liked phrases such as "diverse housing options," integrated components," and "repurposing." The danger of adding explanations to the original was demonstrated by adding a note that defined the Tokyo metropolitan region in a way that incorrectly excluded places like Hachioji. Improvement would come by spending more time on rephrasing the translation for legibility without losing the accuracy that is this translator's strong point.
Specific points for #162
This translation was a little hard to read, but achieved a good overall balance between readability and accuracy. Most importantly, the translator gave the impression of having largely understood what the text was talking about. This understanding was then enhanced by neat but still accurate translations such as "Ensuring ample space for bicycles and pedestrians." How to improve? First of all, I strongly recommend doing a rigorous numbers and omissions check before delivery. That would probably eliminate embarrassing errors such as putting 2005 in the future and missing out one of the captions. Overall though, this was the translation that most demonstrated the entrant's potential to become a top commercial translator.
Ken Wagner
"Let's 徹底 Everything"
Subject line of a query on the Honyaku
mailing list (
[email protected])
At the very moment I submit this commentary, a five-day-long debate on the Honyaku mailing list continues to rage over how to handle the relentless overuse of 徹底(する) in a piece of hyperbolic company literature. A reasonable suggestion was to consider 徹底 an adverb and insert the appropriate verb (do whatever thoroughly, exhaustively, meticulously, comprehensively, rigorously). The thread has grown to almost 50 messages, has apparently spawned some hurt feelings, and has still not abated.
The Honyaku poster's quandary with 徹底 embodies one of the major challenges facing this year's JAT Translation Contest participants – translating a message that could easily be obscured by bureaucratese. The number of responses evoked by the 徹底 question on the Honyaku list is evidence of the difficultly – or at least the labor – involved in rendering trite bureaucratic jargon into readable and informative English. I would therefore like to say early on that all five finalists did an excellent job of circumventing the bureaucratese to bring a clear message to the reader. For fairness' sake, however, it should probably also be said that in some instances, these words were actually used to convey their basic meanings.
The passage for the Japanese to English portion of 2009 JAT Translation Contest was 人口4,200万人が暮らしやすく美しい地域の実現 – a piece of fairly interesting and valuable information obscured by a familiar list of bureaucratic buzzwords – 徹底, 充実, 実現, 推進, 促進, 提供, and 整備. The contest passage is a development plan for residential communities for a Greater Tokyo Area coping with a rapidly aging population and declining birthrate. The passage was taken from the website of the Regional Development Bureau of the Japanese Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport, and Tourism.
Judging Technique and Results
To evaluate the translations, I first read them without referring to the Japanese text and ranked them based on the sound of the English and whether they seem to make sense. (In the case of this year's JAT contest, I hadn't seen Japanese text for at least two months.) I then use a modified form of the ATA grading scale to mark errors and examples of particularly good writing or interpretation and obtain negative and positive numerical scores. I also compared the translations of a list of key terms to assess the amount of research done and, as a result, how familiar the entrants seemed to be with the subject matter. This produced a numerical score for amount of research done. I then compared these numerical scores with my initial subjective judgments and made a final subjective decision on which translation was best conformed to the translation instructions at the beginning of the passage and also demonstrated potential for growth on the part of the translator.
When I read the entries without reference to the Japanese text (after not looking at the Japanese text for a couple of months), I ranked Elise Kavanagh's entry the highest for subjective impression. It was smooth and tightly written and contained very few translation artifacts. After Elise, Monica Kassab, Jillian Nonaka, and Jason Morgan's entries seemed equal in readability to me, although Jason's had obviously been filled out with explanatory information not evident in the other translations. Stephen Jensen's entry had more of a translated sound to my ear, although it turned out to be quite accurate.
I modified the ATA grading scale for the JAT contest. The actual ATA scale only identifies errors (misunderstanding, grammatical errors, inappropriate register, etc.). I added a positive scale to reflect traits like accuracy and elegance (or eloquence) and to produce a positive score for lines that were translated well.
Using the ATA grading scale, the results were Jillian Nonaka (negative, 55; positive, 33), Elise Kavanagh (negative, 66; positive, 30), Stephen Jensen (negative, 77; positive, 26), and Monica Kassab (negative, 93; positive, 28), and Jason Morgan (negative, 96; positive, 19).
I tried to evaluate the amount of research done independent of language comprehension and target writing errors. To do this, I selected 12 key words that identify how much research or reading on the subject was done. The terms or translations I preferred could be found by 1) reading county social service or urban planning websites from the United States (e.g., http://dentoncounty.com/socialservices.asp for social services), 2) searching the term in question alone in quotes on Google and working through to an English definition (e.g., through Wikipedia), or 3) searching the term and とは in quotes on Google. The terms were:
1. 福祉 (social services, not welfare)
2. 子育て (not child-rearing)
3. 重層的 (something like multi-tiered)
4. 保育所 (something like daycare, not nursery [school])
5. 介護 (something like assisted living, not nursing home)
6. 視覚障害者誘導用ブロック (tactile paving, truncated domes, detectable warnings, tactile ground surface indicators, detectable warning surfaces)
7. イメージ (artist's conception when appropriate)
8. ニュウータウン等 (explained in some way)
9. デイサービスセンター (identified as a facility for seniors)
10. (疾病ごとの)医療連携体制 (translation shows a description has been read in Japanese)
11. 消防 (emergency services, not firemen/fire department)
12. 新型インフレンザ (this year, H1N1)
Here, "yes" means the rendering of a term shows evidence of research/reading on the subject and "no" means the rendering doesn't show that research was done. The scores were, in descending order: Elise Kavanagh (yes, 7 terms; no, 5 terms), Jason Morgan (yes, 6½ terms; no, 5½ terms), Jillian Nonaka (yes, 4 terms; no, 8 terms), Stephen Jensen (yes, 4 terms; no, 8 terms), and Monica Kassab (yes, 2½ terms; no, 9½ terms).
As a result, Elise Kavanagh and Jillian Nonaka came out in the lead, but were very close. Elise had the highest subjective impression and research scores. Jillian had the highest modified ATA score (accuracy and individual flashes of eloquence), was in third place for research, and was in a three-way tie for second place in subjective impression.
Individual Renderings
I should repeat that Elise Kavanagh and Jillian Nonaka were very close, very little distinguished the two. In fact, one judge chose Jillian's as the first-place entry, and quite a bit of deliberation among the judges was required before finally deciding on Elise's entry. I selected Elise's entry because objectively, Elise appeared to have done the most research and, subjectively, the translation elicited the most positive visceral reaction on the initial read. This difference may have rested on only a few key words and phrases that made Elise's version seem less translated. For example, Elise simply stated that the Tokyo area population will peak, used the term "multi-tiered" (approach), and avoided a translated sound in the turn of phrase "supporting families and ensuring the safety and security of children." While Jillian Nonaka had many turns of phrase that I considered eloquent, the use of the following English terms and phrases may have triggered a negative visceral reaction: "child-rearing" (antiquated), "stratified plans" (in this context), "nursery schools" (antiquated), and the phrase "setting up nursery schools during the renovation of public housing complexes" (rather than something "like incorporating daycare centers into public housing").
As for the three remaining contestants, who all turned in good translations, Jason Morgan's chief misstep was over-explaining the text, perhaps explaining it to himself, while Monica Kassab sacrificed meaning for elegant English. I can sympathize Jason and Monica and do not consider these missteps an obstacle to further development because I went through both of these phases myself. Where Elise and others simply translated 公共賃貸宅等の建替えに併せた福祉施設の併設・誘致 as something like "housing redevelopments which include or attract new welfare centers," Jason said "building welfare facilities in conjunction with the rebuilding of public housing projects and inviting bids for similar construction projects." While bids and construction projects may be required, there was no mention of them in the text and this is information that the reader can figure out for himself (or doesn't need to know, depending upon whether he is a potential resident or contractor). At the other end of the spectrum, Monica dropped large pieces of text for the sake of elegance. She translated 地域内の医師の確保方策の推進、かかりつけ医やかかりつけ薬局の普及による適切な医療の機能分担の推進、疾病ごとの医療連携体制の構築など地域医療体制の充実 (accomplish x by doing three things) as "promote the increased use of local doctors and pharmacies to properly distribute the burden on these facilities" (accomplish x by doing two things). This rendering omitted 疾病ごとの医療連携体制の構築 – develop coordinated response systems for individual diseases. Monica also omitted similar units of meaning in other passages in other passages.
Once again, I would like to express my appreciation for the effort and care that went into the translations in this year's contest, thank all of the contestants for participating, and congratulate the finalists and winner.
Lee Seaman
Comments on JAT Translation Contest entries
This was an excellent group of translations. My compliments to all of the finalists, and my thanks to the organizers of the contest for providing this showcase for new translation talent.
This is a challenging piece. In order to make sense of it, the translator had to not only convey the meaning of the Japanese words, but also to understand the document in the context of Japanese society and public housing policy.
Each finalist made at least a few errors. My picks for first and second place were those passages that I felt most clearly communicated the underlying meaning of the Japanese with the fewest areas of serious misunderstanding.
Working premises
The instructions for the contest were clear. The translation is for a government website, publication quality, for native English speaking readers, and the translator is to incorporate explanatory notes if necessary.
Based on these instructions, I made the assumption that the translation should be easy to read and friendly in tone (more so, for example, than a journal article on a study of innovative cancer therapy in lab rats). So in addition to looking for translation accuracy, I also evaluated each passage on how well it conveyed the message of the original text, and I penalized awkward expressions more than I would in a translation that was primarily for information.
General comments
Here are three points in the Japanese document that I thought were particularly challenging.
1) 地域優良賃貸住宅
This caption in the second figure was translated by the five finalists as “deluxe public housing,” “high-quality rental apartments,” “high quality apartments,” “high quality local rental housing,” and “local upscale apartment complex.” The judges had a lively discussion over this term, too, including some very helpful input from one of the E-J judges, who told us that 地域優良賃貸住宅 is a relatively new system combining 特定優良賃貸住宅（「特優賃」とくゆうちん） and 高齢者向け優良賃貸住宅（「高優賃」こうゆうちん）and that probably the reference in this case is to（「高優賃」）.
I found a useful paper at
http://www.city.oshu.iwate.jp/www/contents/1221024338243/files/seibikijun.pdf. Chapter 4 describes the augmentations that are specified for senior residences; they are not really “luxury” or “upscale” so much as they are designed for the safety and comfort of seniors living alone. So one possible translation would be “public housing with augmented safety features for seniors.” But of course that means adding quite a lot of material that is not included in the text. I would probably translate it as “senior-friendly public housing” or “rental housing with augmented features,” and add a note asking the client to confirm.
2) New Town
Two translators left this “as is” in the English translation. Although the term “New Town” is widely used in English, in this case the term is combined with 再生,so clearly these “new towns” are actually quite old. To reduce reader confusion (“Why are they revitalizing a new town?”) I would recommend “planned community” or “planned residential community” instead.
3) 地域子育て支援拠点の整備等乳幼児を持つ親が気軽に交流・相談できる場の提供
The term 乳幼児 is often translated, even in J-E medical dictionaries, as “infant,” but that is incorrect. An infant is technically a child under 12 months old, and the word is not used much in casual speech. “Babies, toddlers, and preschoolers” would be accurate here, but the best translation in this context is simply “small children.”
Individual comments
1) No. 162
A workmanlike translation that does a good job of communicating the meaning of the website. Prose is straightforward and clean. The heading “5. An urban development initiative to meet the needs of a society with a low birth rate and an aging population” is particularly clear, and sets the tone for the remainder of the article.
The statement that “ … the population over the age of 65 years will grow to 20% in 2005 and 30% in 2025” implies that this article was written before 2005. It should have been “ … will grow from 20% in 2005 to 30% in 2025.” And toward the end of the article, “ … fire and medical organizations” would be easier to read if it were restated as “fire departments and medical organizations,” or even “fire departments (ambulance) and medical organizations” for greater clarity.
The author of No.162 appears to be a very competent translator, but some of the English phrases sound a little awkward to my ear. This could be improved by working for awhile with an experienced editor, and perhaps by reading translations aloud after they are finished. (I read most of my translations aloud during checking, and always find awkward spots that didn’t show up during writing.)
2) No. 108
Very readable prose, with some beautifully translated phrases. In a document like this, headings are especially important for communicating the underlying message, and No. 108 provided some excellent headings, including “good for everyone in an aging society,” “revitalizing our planned communities,” and “constructing a medical system that instills a sense of safety and peace of mind.
Unfortunately this translation also has a relatively high percentage of errors and potentially confusing expressions. I found two major examples. On page 1, “renting out housing that belongs to senior citizens” suggests that the government might be taking away the houses of seniors. On page 3, “Wide sidewalks for pedestrians which resolve the problems of height differences” does not mention that these new wide sidewalks are for bicyclists as well as pedestrians, and “height differences” confused me. (Will all pedestrians be the same height?) Something like “curb-free crosswalks” would work better.
Passage #108 shows real writing talent. Additional attention to accuracy will provide a promising future in translation.
Other translations:
No. 099: A good translation, fluent and easy to read, and provides a good impression of the website, but less clear and with a higher level of errors and awkward expressions than the two winners. For example, “the borrowing and rerenting of houses” is confusing, and suggests that the government will take elderly people’s homes without paying. ニュータウン等の再生 was translated as “Creating the New Town,” which implies that new communities will be built from scratch. “Rejuvenating” would be a better choice. In the section on rebuilding the healthcare system, “ … use of local doctors and pharmacies to properly distribute the burden on these facilities” should have been something like “… use of local doctors and pharmacies to redistribute the overall burden on medical facilities,” and no reference to telemedicine was included for 遠隔医療.The translation of photo captions was generally good; my favorite is “Pedestrian crossing with bicycle lane and no curb.”
No. 120: A good command of technical language, and very precise, but a little stilted and wordy for this particular passage. For example, in the first sentence, “As a consequence of the realities of Japanese society, which is becoming increasingly elderly, on average with a steadily decreasing number of children being conceived” could be rewritten as “Japanese society is growing older, with fewer children born every year, and …” 疾病ごとの医療連携体制の構築 refers to developing a coordinated medical response for specific diseases; if that is what was meant by linking “individual hospitals into a wider medical care network,” the connection should be spelled out in greater detail. I really liked the caption, “Artist’s rendition of an integrated complex featuring public housing projects and social welfare facilities.”
No. 123: A solid translation, indicating a good understanding of the material, with some very well-crafted expressions and some unfortunate awkward spots. Awkward expressions included “amplifying information exchange” (I would recommend “expediting” or “improving” rather than “amplifying”) and “fostering businesses who take on local issues” (“encouraging businesses to take on local issues” would be easier to understand). Errors included the omission of “tertiary” in the Japanese expression 三次救急医療機関,and the erroneous use of “intensive care” rather than “emergency” in that same passage. Some of my personal favorites were “mobile clinics and telemedicine,” “ostomate-accessible toilets,” “Stimulate civic involvement in local town management,” and “promoting physician recruitment strategies.”
A final word
This year’s documents were generally quite clearly formatted. Several candidates used italics to set off the caption headings, making them easier to find on the page, and one person even cut out the graphics from the Japanese PDF and pasted them into the English document. That’s not required, but it does make the job of the judge or client easier. (In that light, I recommend that future candidates format their passages in proportional font rather than monospaced font like Courier or MS Gothic – the files come to the judges as PDFs, and proportional font is generally much easier to read when we print the documents out for review.)
I also strongly recommend that you ask questions of your colleagues if you are not sure of the meaning of a certain phrase or paragraph. Obviously it is unethical to have someone else translate the document for you, or to substantially rewrite what you have translated. But the JAT contest is designed to be somewhat like a “real” translation job for an actual translation agency, and one test of a good translator is his or her network of experts on call. If your native language is English, develop some knowledgeable NSJ friends with whom you exchange information. A number of the errors in these passages could have been avoided by a few strategic questions to a trusted colleague.
Again, my congratulations to all contestants on a job well-done. I look forward to watching your growth as translation professionals.
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